


Reckless In The Dark

by orphan_account



Category: Justin Bieber (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, Skins AU, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-11-17 04:46:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skins AU where Zayn is the bitchy alpha who might be losing his edge, Harry is his slutty boyfriend who occasionally sleeps with their best friend, Louis, the psychotic one who may or may not be in love with his new Sociology teacher, Liam. Then there's Niall, the party boy they sometimes hang out with, and Justin, the new kid that Zayn might either be trying to befriend or kill, and then there's Cher, the sane one...when she's sober.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Zayn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I am not from the UK, school years are done American style. Just so you know.

"Pick up the damn phone, Harry."

 

It was Monday morning and classes were starting in an hour. It was their final year at college and Zayn was in need of a morning shag before embarking on his final year. The phone clicked over to Harry's voice mail and Zayn hit the End Call button, irritated. He's probably shagging someone else, Zayn thought to himself. Fuck him, then.

 

He scrolled through his contacts until he found Louis' number and hit the call button. At the same time, he pushed into the diner they always went to after big nights or before days like this. He took a seat in their usual booth and let out an angry shout as Louis' phone also went to voice mail. Hitting End Call once again, Zayn found Niall's number and hit call. He picked up on the second ring.

 

"You do realize it is seven in the fucking morning, right?" Niall answered. 

 

"You do realize we have college today, right?" Zayn replied with a smirk. He heard a crash on the other end of the line, followed by Niall cursing.

 

"Shit! Is that today?"

 

"Yeah, mate, that's today." Zayn replied. A pretty waitress made her way over to the booth and smiled seductively at him. Usually, Zayn would have easily flirted with her, but in that moment, he couldn't reach his boyfriend or best friend, and she just disgusted him. He pointed to 'coffee' on the menu and dismissed her with a hand wave. Her dejected expression made him feel a bit better.

 

"Soddy bastard," he heard Niall mutter over the phone.

 

"What are you on about?" Zayn asked as the waitress returned with a mug of hot coffee.

 

"Oh, nothing. I'm in massive need of coffee, mate. Can you-"

 

"Just get your ass to the cafe, you twat." Zayn said before hanging up. He then redialed Harry. This time, when it went to voice mail, he left a message.

 

"Ah, you fucker. Get your ass to the cafe in fifteen minutes, or we're done." Didn't matter how much of a slut Harry was, he would do anything to keep Zayn as his boyfriend. Zayn hung up and drank his coffee. He glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. He wondered if this was what ordinary people felt like. Alone. 

 

As he was thinking that, someone slid into the seat across from him. He glanced over and noted that it was Cher. Cher was a pretty girl, with wavy, chocolate brown hair past her shoulders, dark skin, smooth complexion, and awesome body. If Zayn weren't interested in guys, he'd probably be dating her at that moment. 

 

"Where's your boyfriend?" She asked, signalling for the waitress to come tend to her.

 

"Probably off fucking someone." Zayn said with a shrug, taking another drink of his coffee. Cher nodded slowly and let out a sigh.

 

"Excuse me! Can I please get a fucking coffee?" Cher yelled at the waitress. The poor girl looked terrified and quickly nodded, rushing into the kitchen. Zayn smirked and Cher smiled at her handy work.

 

"Where the fuck's my coffee?" Niall said, slipping into the booth beside Cher.

 

"Well, good morning to you, too." Cher said, scooting over to give him more room. Niall flipped her off as he laid his head on the table. The young waitress came back with a pitcher of coffee and two mugs. Cher glared at her until she quickly scampered away. She then poured herself some coffee and then Niall. Niall groaned appreciatively at her before downing half the cup.

 

"Where's Harry?" Niall asked, seeming to wake up a bit.

 

"Fucking someone." Cher said before Zayn could say anything. Zayn shot her a look and she held up her hands in surrender. "Your words, not mine."

 

"I said probably fucking someone. Everyone is innocent before proven horny." Zayn said receiving a laugh from both of them. He heard the door to the diner jingle and in rushed Harry looking sheepish.

 

"Sorry, babes!" He said, kissing him as he slid into the booth beside Zayn. 

 

"So, who were you fucking?" Cher asked casually. Harry frowned at her, clearly confused, and Zayn rolled his eyes. He glanced over at the waitress and caught her staring at him. He winked and her face turned bright red. Now that he had an audience, he was ready to flirt her up.

 

"Move." Zayn said to Harry. He looked a bit startled, but made no effort to move.

 

"Why? I just got here?" 

 

"I'm going to go talk to that waitress over there." Zayn said, shoving at Harry's shoulder.

 

"Zayn, you're not bi." Harry said, looking at him skeptically.

 

"Oh, really? And you know this how?" He asked. Harry knew he'd dated one girl before, Perrie.

 

"Because you-" Harry stopped himself, then glared at Zayn. "You're with me."

 

"Hasn't stopped you." Zayn said, shoving him completely off the seat and making his way over to the waitress. Turned out her name was Aria and she went to the same college as him. She had a nervous habit of laughing at random times, and she chewed on her nails a lot, but Zayn knew that flirting with her was worth it everytime he glanced at Harry's sulking figure in the corner of the booth.

 

Zayn glanced at the clock and explained that he needed to go. Aria smiled and waved goodbye and Zayn walked back to the booth to grab his bag. 

 

"Let's go, you wankers." He said, heading for the door. He knew Harry was still pissed, but he couldn't stay mad for long, because once outside, he slipped effortlessly next to Zayn and intertwined their fingers. He shot a few girls a smug look as they walked past and Zayn rolled his eyes.

 

They found Louis by the front gates of the school smoking a bit of spliff. Zayn grabbed it from his lips and slipped it through his own and took a heavy drag. He could tell it was definitely turning Harry on, and after giving the spliff back to Louis, he leaned over to whisper, "Wanna skip? We can find someplace...quiet." Harry licked his lips before nodding slowly.

 

Cher shook her head as they walked off, but made no move to stop them. She just grabbed onto Niall and Louis and started dragging them towards the school, ignoring their complaints. Zayn took Harry behind the school to the small supply shed and slammed him against the metal side. Harry made a move to complain, but Zayn silenced him by placing his lips to the other boy's. Harry's complaint became a noise of pleasure and Zayn started moving his lips down his jaw and his neck, sucking lightly at the place just above his collar bone, right where Harry liked it. 

 

Harry's hands moved up Zayn's T-shirt, rubbing at his firm chest. Zayn slowly started unbuttoning Harry's shirt and kissing down his chest. Harry kept letting out small groans of appreciation, but Zayn loved it. He wouldn't go as far to say that he loved Harry, because he didn't. Harry was just a good fuck and a good time. So far, it had been a year of good fucks.

 

"Zayn, p-please. Just." Harry yanked Zayn's face back to his own and their tongues started to dance together. Zayn shoved Harry's shirt off his shoulders and started dragging him inside the shed and pushing him down onto the small bench inside. He slowly unbuttoned Harry's trousers and pulled them off his toned legs, smiling as the boy watched him with complete worship in his eyes. Zayn then slid out of his own trousers and straddled the boy, only their boxers separating them. Harry's hands slid up Zayn's chest and Zayn grabbed them and pinned them above his head before kissing from Harry's neck to just above the elastic of his boxers.

 

"Zayn-" Harry groaned. Zayn smiled and let go of Harry's hands, lifting at the elastic of Harry's boxers and slowly pulling them off. Harry was already hard and by seeing him, he became hard. Zayn pulled off his own boxers and leaned up to Harry's ear. "Flip over, babes." Harry did as told and flipped over. Zayn slid his hands over Harry's bum and smiled as the boy shivered. He slowly slid two fingers inside the boy and laughed, realizing he wouldn't need to be stretched much. 

 

"Slut," Zayn whispered in his ear. Harry let out a low chuckle.

 

"Are you gonna do something about it?"

 

Instead of answering, Zayn removed his fingers and replaced them with his cock, sliding in slowly before slowly sliding out again. Harry shivered and Zayn did the same thing again, this time harder. He slowly got faster and thrusted into Harry at a decent rate, smiling each time Harry let out a noise of pleasure. Harry slowly made his way to his hands and knees, careful not to ruin Zayn's rhythm and he slowly started jerking himself off to the pace of Zayn's thrusts. He could tell Zayn was close because everytime he was about to shoot off, he'd tighten around Zayn's length, which eventually led to them shooting off at the same time, Zayn into Harry, and Harry onto the bench and floor. 

 

Afterwards, they slowly got dressed and Zayn pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and stepping outside to blow out the smoke. Harry came out moments later looking pleased with himself. He grabbed the cigarette and took a drag before placing it back on Zayn's lips.

 

"So, we gonna go back? Or are we skipping the whole day?"

 

Zayn didn't answer back, just started walking back towards the school. Harry followed close behind. Zayn walked through the front door of the school and glanced at the clock. They'd missed half an hour of first block. Zayn shrugged and started making his way to the Sociology room. He pushed through the door and whatever sentence the teacher had been saying was interrupted. 

"And you are?" The teacher asked, turning to face Zayn and Harry. Zayn was shocked to see how young the new teacher was. He looked to be only a few years older than the seniors in the room. 

"I'm Zayn, and this is Harry. Sorry we're late, my car broke down a couple a miles down the road and we had to walk." Zayn said, easily bull shitting his way out of the awkward situation his conquests with Harry had gotten him into. 

"That's quite alright Mr...Malik and Styles." The teacher said, reading off the small clipboard he had in his hands. "I'm Mr. Payne, but you can call me Liam." Zayn nodded and went to sit beside Louis, Harry not far behind. Behind Zayn was Cher, and to her right, behind Harry, was Niall. 

"Have fun?" Cher asked in Zayn's ear. He smirked but made no reply. He glanced over at Louis, but saw he was staring at the new teacher. 

"You got something for the new teacher, Tommo?" Zayn asked. Louis didn't look at him, just flipped him the bird and continued to have eye-sex with the Liam.

 

***

 

"'Ey, Neil Everett is having another party tonight. You bitches going?" Niall asked at lunch, setting his tray on the table and smiling wickedly at the rest of the group.

"Again? How many parties has Neil thrown without anyone ever seeing him?" Cher asked, taking a bite of her sandwich. 

"No idea. Greg says Neil is just a stage name. When he was in high school, some kid named Neil threw parties all the time, but nobody ever met him." Niall said with a shrug.

"Yeah, but your brother was constantly high. He probably has no idea." Louis replied. Harry nodded. Zayn was completely bored by the conversation. He was busy eyeing the new kid who had magically appeared out of nowhere.

"Whose that?" Zayn asked, not taking his eyes off the blond boy. The others looked at where he was looking and he saw out of the corner of his eye that Harry's fists clenched.

"Hey, new kid!" Cher yelled at the new kid. Zayn smirked as the new kid's eyes widened. "Get your ass over her." He slowly walked over and once he was within her grasp, Cher grabbed his arm and made him sit down next to her. "What's your name?"

"Justin." He said, his voice sorta raspy sounding. Zayn smiled.

"And where did you come from, love?" Zayn heard Harry's sharp intake of breath. He rarely called anyone love, and Harry didn't like Zayn calling someone he just met that.

"Stratford, Ontario." He replied.

"Ooh, a Canadian boy." Cher purred.

"And what are your sexual preferences?" Zayn asked, not even the slightest bit embarrassed. The same could not be said for poor little Justin.

"I, um, I'm...gay." Justin said, his features turning a bright crimson. Cher laughed and kissed his cheek. Zayn was about to say something else when Harry cut in. 

"Zayn, come on." He said, grabbing onto Zayn's black leather jacket and pulling him away from the table. He brought him back inside the school, into a deserted hallway, and slammed him against a locker.

"What the absolute fuck, Zayn?" He shouted in his face. Zayn sighed and waited patiently for him to get everything out of his system. "I mean, first that shit waitress this morning, and now this new twat!" He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Zayn, waiting for an answer.

"Who were you fucking this morning, eh, Harry?" Zayn replied, keeping his tone low and steady, meeting Harry's glare with his own stare.

"What?" Harry asked, thrown off guard.

"Who. Were. You. Fucking. This. Morning." Zayn said placing a period at the end of each word for emphasis.

"I don't have a clue what you're-"

"Like hell you don't know. You're a right twat whose been screwing everything you see that you like. Now I want to know, who the fuck were you screwing this morning when I called?" Zayn said, shoving himself off the lockers and getting in Harry's face.

"I wasn't fucking anybody." Harry replied.

"Like hell. Get the fuck out of my way, Harry. I've got a new boy to befriend." Zayn said, shoving him out of the way and making his way back outside. Before he could walk away, however, Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him back, attacking Zayn's mouth with his own. Zayn's hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him tighter. Harry's hands pulled lightly at his hair, finding the exact spot that could make Zayn shiver without messing up his perfectly styled quiff. 

This was how they were. Harry slept with yet another person, Zayn got pissed off, Zayn flirts with some random, hot stranger, Harry gets jealous, and then they snog it out. Everyone knew how it was.

And Zayn wasn't planning on changing that anytime soon.


	2. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's always been in love with Zayn, but he's also always been a slut. So suddenly, he has a decision to make, and he's forced to face the question: Will he ever be enough?

Harry woke up laying on something hard. Scratch that, _someone._

He groggily opened his eyes and looked at Louis' sleeping form. He then glanced at the clock and groaned. Eleven o'clock in the fucking morning. He'd already almost missed half of his classes. _Only two weeks in and you're already forming bad habits,_ he could hear Gemma saying.

He slowly rolled off of Louis' bed and made his way downstairs. He opened the refrigerator and sighed. All he had was a pint of expired milk and two bloody eggs. Louis had moved out of his mum's house a year earlier and clearly hadn't mastered the art of grocery shopping. Sighing again, Harry grabbed the two eggs and cracked them into a bowl. Scrambled eggs it was.

While the eggs cooked, Harry pulled out his phone and glanced at his messages. Two from Cher, one from Niall, and absolutely none from Zayn. Harry didn't open the other messages, just tossed his phone onto Louis' couch. Some boyfriend, Harry thought bitterly.

Harry was just placing the eggs onto two plates when Louis' stumbled downstairs. Harry smirked at the sight of him. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was sticking up in all directions.

"Got a problem?" Lou asked, glaring at Harry.

"Yeah, actually, I do. You've got no bloody food in the house." Harry replied, sliding a plate of eggs over to him. Louis sighed and sat down at the counter, immediately digging into the eggs.

"I get by." He replied between bites. Harry shrugged, finishing his eggs and setting the plate in the sink. He then slipped upstairs to get into the shower.

As he was standing under the hot water, he felt arms slide around his waist and lips on the back of his neck. He let Louis feel him up before turning around slowly and running his hands over the others' chest.

"Ready for round two?" Louis whispered, biting at Harry's earlobe. Harry shivered and smiled.

"You mean round three?" He asked. Louis threw his head back and laughed. Harry gave into his urges and grab a hold of Louis' hair, pulling the other boy's lips to his own. They stayed in the shower for about forty-five minutes until they were high on life and lust and the water had turned cold. They didn't make it to college.

***

"And where the fuck were you this morning?" Cher asked. Harry didn't reply. They were sitting in their usual booth and the diner. Niall was on his second burger of the evening and Cher kept giving him disgusted glances. Harry was shoved on the inside of the booth across from them, next to Zayn. Not that it mattered, since Zayn was too enthralled with Justin to give him any attention. 

Harry vaguely wondered where Louis was. He hadn't seen him since he left his house that afternoon. Harry glanced at his boyfriend. His hair was done up in its usual perfect quiff and his dark eyes looked happy. He was wearing a white V-neck T-shirt with a red varsity jacket. His dark skinnies showed off his nice ass, and Harry couldn't help but think for the thousandth time that Zayn was probably the most gorgeous person he'd ever seen. Louis was the second.

"Well?" Cher said, snapping her fingers in his face. Without warning, Harry's hand came up and slapped her hand away from his face. She let out a gasp and the entire table went quiet. Zayn turned to look at him, his eyes showing annoyance. Harry resisted the urge to slap the annoyance off his face.

"Move." Harry said, glaring at Zayn. Zayn slowly got out of the seat and Harry shoved past him, making his way to the front door and flinging himself outside. He started walking down the sidewalk, but he stopped when he heard Zayn's voice.

"And where the fuck are you going, you wanker?"

"Leave me alone, you twat." Harry spat, not bothering to turn around. He stayed on the sidewalk, taking deep not-so-calming breathes when he felt Zayn's strong arms come around his waist. Harry felt a sickening feeling in his gut as remembered Louis doing the exact same thing that morning in the shower.

"You alright, babes?" Zayn whispered in his ear. Harry sighed and nodded. It was a lie, but he wanted it to be true. "Then come back inside."

"No, I think I'm going to head home." Harry said. He felt Zayn hesitate and then nod slowly. He slowly turned Harry around and kissed him, sending those butterflies down to Harry's toes.

"See ya later, babes." Zayn said quietly before turning around and walking back into the diner. He hadn't even said "I love you."

Harry walked to Louis' house and rang the doorbell, but no one answered. "C'mon to fucking twat! Open the door!" Harry muttered, looking at the darkened windows. Sighing, Harry left, making his way to his own house and collapsing on his bed. He pulled out his phone and typed out a message to Louis:

_Where are you? I'm in the mood for a fuck -Haz_

Harry waited, but there was no reply. Sadly, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

***

"Fuck, Harry!" Zayn moaned as Harry's tongue slowly licked up his length. One of Zayn's hands was tangled up in Harry's curls while his other hand was grasping the bedsheets underneath him. Harry smiled and sucked the head of Zayn's cock into his mouth. Zayn moaned again and Harry slowly took him completely in his mouth. Zayn's hips bucked slightly and Harry used one of his hands to press his hips down. He then started slowly moving his mouth around his length, getting at a steady pace as Zayn's moans echoed in his brain.

He could feel Zayn getting close and Harry removed his mouth from around Zayn's cock. He knew Zayn liked to come inside of him, so he slowly got on all fours as Zayn covered his back side, easily sliding in and thrusting a few times to get a steady rhythm. One of Harry's hands wrapped around his own cock and he jerked relentlessly, trying to get in tune with Zayn. Zayn shot off only moments later, the warmth of him spreading within Harry and he came almost instantly.

Zayn took a shaky breath and rolled off of Harry, laying next to him on the bed. Harry collapsed on the bed and curled up next to Zayn. Zayn kissed his forehead and played with his curls. Harry snuggled deeper into his chest and relaxed, trying to recover from his orgasm.

It was Saturday night and it was their second time in and hour. They were at Harry's house since his mum wasn't home for the entire weekend. Harry knew this didn't change anything. Zayn just wanted a fuck and Harry was around. But that didn't bother him, because Zayn was his. Their relationship wasn't perfect. To be perfectly honest, it was a rather abusive relationship. Not physically abusive. Zayn would never lay a hand on Harry, and vise versa. It was more emotionally abusive. They definitely screwed each other up in the head. Zayn could be a down right bitch sometimes and Harry slept around, which he knew Zayn hated since his father had done the same thing to his mother. But Zayn never asked and Harry denied it whenever they were around, so they kind of stepped around the issue.

Zayn slowly scooted off the bed and pulled on a pair of Harry's shorts. Zayn was skinnier than Harry, but the shorts still looked amazing on him. He made his way to the window across the room and opened it, climbing out onto the roof. Harry watched him lazily for a moment before pulling his boxers on and climbing out after him. Zayn had a fag dangling from his lips that he was gently trying to light. Harry grabbed the lighter from him and lit the fag for him. Zayn nodded appreciatively at him before taking a long pull on the cigarette.

"So, who is it?" Zayn suddenly asked, holding the fag between his thumb and forefinger.

"Who is who?" Harry asked, leaning his head against Zayn's shoulder.

"Whoever it is you've been fucking behind my back." Zayn said, taking another pull of his cigarette.

"Zayn, I told you-"

"I'm calling your bullshit, Harry. I'm not going to become my mum. Who are you fucking?" Zayn said. Harry lifted his head off of his shoulder and looked at the other boy's sad eyes.

"Zayn-" Harry stopped himself. He didn't like that this was the moment Zayn had chosen to ask. Not when it was Louis, their best friend. Not right after having sex. Not during a perfect moment.

"Haz, I really need to know." Zayn said quietly. And Harry knew that he was desperate, because he only called Harry, Haz when he was either completely happy or entirely empty inside.

"It's-"

"Bitches! Where the fuck are you?" Harry turned as he heard Niall's voice calling from within the house. He looked back at Zayn but he was already tossing his fag off the roof and climbing back inside the house. Harry sighed and followed.

Niall was downstairs with two huge bags full of food, and Cher was beside him with a huge crate of alcohol.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Harry asked, following Zayn down the stairs.

"You seriously thought we wouldn't find out that your mum was gone for the weekend? We're throwing a party, bitches!" Niall said, pressing play on his iPod. Some rap song started booming and Niall grabbed Cher and they started dancing in the middle of the kitchen.

"I bet I can guess what you two were up to..." Louis said from the doorway, eyeing the two boys up and down. Zayn let out a low chuckle, going through the crate of alcohol, while Harry gave a half smile. He couldn't help but think what would be happening in that moment if Harry had told Zayn on the roof.

Within the next hour, the house was packed. Zayn had changed back into his usual jeans and T-shirt and Harry had pulled on a pair of his own trousers and a red V-neck shirt he instantly recognized as Zayn's. He smiled to himself. He looked as good in Zayn's clothes as Zayn did in his. Cher was grinding up on some guy while Niall was smoking some shit in the living room with a group of other people. Harry scanned the room for Zayn and saw him whispering something in Justin's ear. Justin blushed and Harry felt the jealousy coming back.

He knew he had no right to be jealous. Zayn was just doing the exact same thing Harry did to him on a weekly basis. But still, they were together and Harry was angry. He was about to go grab him and tell him that when he felt someone grab onto his arm. He turned and flinched at how close Louis' face was to his own.

"Let's go somewhere." Louis said. Harry wanted to say no, but Louis was already dragging him upstairs to Harry's room. Louis closed the door and, before Harry could say anything, attacked his lips, shoving him back on the bed.

"God, you taste so good!" Louis murmured into the kiss. Harry almost chuckled, because it could be the fact he'd had Zayn's cock in his mouth, but Louis' mouth was really warm and lovely and he couldn't think straight. He slid his hands up Louis' shirt and Louis was sliding his hand down Harry's pants when the door slammed open and Louis was being yanked off him.

Harry was about to protest when he saw who had done it. Zayn.

Zayn punched Louis in the face and suddenly Niall was there, shoving Zayn away from the other boy as Justin steadied Louis in the corner. Harry went to say something, but Zayn turned and looked at him with such hatred, such sadness that Harry shut his mouth.

Harry realized that the music downstairs had suddenly stopped, like everyone knew what was happening upstairs and was holding their breath for the fallout. 

"We're done."

Zayn's voice was low and quiet, deathly calm. It frightened Harry. Zayn had never seemed so deadly before. Harry scanned his face. The hatred and the sadness was gone, replaced by an emptiness that scared Harry even more. Zayn's face was a mask of no emotion.

"Zayn-"

"Shut. up." Zayn said, silencing him once again. "I asked you. I asked you who you were fucking, and you lied."

"I was going to tell you! But Niall-"

"I mean, I knew. I knew you were fucking other people, Harry. Everyone knew. But Louis? Our best friend?" Zayn's voice broke and suddenly the sadness was back. Harry wanted to cry, to beg him not to do this, to plead for a second chance.

"I never, ever, want to see you again. You and I are over." Zayn said. Then he left. Harry saw there were people in the hallway, watching Zayn leave and Harry's reaction. He looked at Louis, who was nursing a bloody nose while Justin asked him questions to see if he had a concussion. Cher was standing in the doorway, glaring at Harry. Then, she turned to the people in the hallway.

"Show's over. Everyone out." She said. Nobody moved and her expression became harsh. "I said get the fuck out!"

Everyone quickly went downstairs as Harry collapsed on the bed, unable to stand anymore. He could hear Justin asking him if he was okay, but he couldn't answer. Zayn and him were over. The boy he loved had walked away because he couldn't seem to stop fucking up.

Harry was suddenly overtaken by a sob and he curled up on the bed, the tears flowing easily. He registered that Cher crawled onto the bed next to him. He thought it was to comfort him, but instead, she leaned close to his ear and whispered, "You deserve this."

And then she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm pretty sure this is utter crap, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway.


	3. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis' psychosis can sometimes get out of control. He reasons that that may be the reason he slept with his best friend's boyfriend. But now, he's got his eyes set on the new Sociology teacher, and he's in major trouble of falling.

"And how are we feeling today?"

 

"Like shit."

 

"And why is that?"

 

"I fucked my best friend, and now my other best friend is angry with me."

 

"And why is your best friend upset about this?"

 

"Because it was his boyfriend."

 

Louis looked around the small office, taking in the framed certificates, the pictures of smiling children on the desk, and the thirty year old woman sitting in front of him. Dr. Venti was recommended as the absolute best psychiatrist, and Louis' mum had just eaten that shit up. To be honest, Louis saw nothing special about her. She was a plain woman, with reddish brown hair pulled into a tight ponytail, her dull grey eyes hidden behind black rimmed glasses, and the most annoying voice he'd ever heard.

 

"And why did you...have sexual relations with your best friend's boyfriend?"

 

"I have no idea."

 

Dr. Venti took off her glasses and wiped the lenses, not taking her eyes off him. She placed them back on the bridge of her nose and sighed.

 

"Mr. Tomlinson, have you been staying on your medication."

 

"Yes."

 

"Mr. Tomlinson," her voice told him not to fuck with her.

 

"Well, I sometimes forget..." Louis said with a sigh, rubbing at his eyes. 

 

"Mr. Tomlinson, we've had this discussion before-"

 

"Would you stop calling me Mr. Tomlinson? It's really fucking annoying." Louis snapped crossing his arms over his chest.

 

"Mr. Tom-Louis. Did you take the medication this morning?" Dr. Venti asked, her expression softening a little.

 

"Yes, ma'am."

 

"And what can be done about your friend?"

 

"I don't know! I really fucked up. And now Zayn won't talk to Harry, and Harry won't talk to me! And I just feel really bad about the whole thing-"

 

"And have you told this to them?"

 

"Like I said, Harry won't talk to me! And everytime I try to apologize to Zayn, he tells me to forget it and walks away."

 

"Could you write them a letter?"

 

"Look, I gotta get to class." Louis said, collecting his bag and jacket off the floor and pulling his phone out of his pocket. Dr. Venti sighed and watched him leave. Once outside the building, Louis dialed Niall's number.

 

"Hey, mate, can you pick me up?"

 

"Yeah, I'll be over in a second." The line went dead. He knew the only reason Niall was being nice was because no one else was. Niall hated confrontation. He was the sweetest little drunk Louis had ever met. Louis sighed and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and inhaling briefly.

 

"You know, if I honestly cared, I'd tell you to put that out this instant." Louis turned and saw Mr. Payne (Liam, his brain corrected him) walking towards him, smile on his face, and only wearing jeans and a T-shirt. "But I don't care. Actually, mind if I have one?" Louis smiled and offered him the pack. He took one out and Louis carefully lit it for him. Liam leaned against the wall next to him and they were silent for a minute, both enjoying their cigarette. Finally, Louis broke the silence.

 

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, dropping his cigarette to the sidewalk and smothering it with the toe of his shoe.

 

"Out for a walk," Liam replied, doing the same to his cigarette. "Trying to clear my head a little before classes this morning. And you?"

 

"I'm clinically psychotic and have therapy every Monday morning." Louis said simply. Liam cast a sharp glass at him, seeing if he was joking, which he wasn't, and then nodded, accepting this without question. Louis looked over at him and smiled. Liam was a handsome guy, with short, curly hair with a golden tint, cute brown eyes, and a soft smile. Louis had never really found himself attracted to anyone. Sure, Harry was cute, but he really wasn't his type. For the longest time, Louis had honestly thought he was destined to be alone.

 

Then the psychosis had kicked in and Louis realized why. He was way too mentally unstable to be attracted to anyone. His hormones were constantly at an imbalance, and he was on the wrong side of that scale. But now, with the medication he took almost regularly and the therapy, Louis was finally able to see what exactly his type was. And his type was definitely Liam.

 

A sudden honk shook Louis back to reality and he realized Niall was there. He glanced over at Liam and realized he was no longer there. Louis looked down at the ground, at the two cigarettes. The only proof Liam had been there at all.

 

***

 

"So if X times the square root of thirty-six, plus the square root of Y minus M..." 

 

Louis sighed and leaned his head against his hand, staring out the window, mentally screaming at the birds to stop having so much fun, because he was stuck in fucking Calculus. He then looked around the room, at all of his friends.

 

Cher was texting in the back row, not caring if the teacher saw her. Niall was sound asleep with his head on his desk, letting out tiny snores. His eyes roamed to Harry, who was staring longingly at Zayn, as if mentally screaming for the other boy to notice him and forgive him. Louis' eyes traveled to the boy in question and noted his blank stare, his clenched jaw, and his clenched fists. Louis chuckled as he realized Zayn was mentally screaming at himself to do the exact opposite of what Harry wanted.

 

As the bell rang, Louis slowly slid out of his seat and made his way to the door. He watched as Harry tried to speak to Zayn, but Zayn simply ignored him and walked away. Louis had to look away at the devastated look in Harry's big green eyes.

 

Lunch time was the hardest time. Harry was no longer allowed at their usual table, and Louis often felt unwelcome as well. So instead, Louis took to wandering the halls. Not like he ate anyways. He found that food and his medication didn't mix well. He usually ate breakfast before taking them and dinner before taking the nighttime ones. 

 

Walking led him to Liam's door, and as he peeked in, he saw Liam sitting down in the front, feet up on his desk. Louis smiled and knocked on the door. Liam looked up and motioned for Louis to come in.

 

"Hello, Louis."

 

"Hi, Liam." Louis said, sitting on top of one of the desks facing Liam's desk.

 

"And what can I help you with?"

 

"Nothing, really. I was just walking and saw you in here. Thought you could use some company." Louis said with his winning smile. Liam smiled back and set the papers he had in his hands on the desk in front of him.

 

"Well, since you're here, I wanted to make sure you understood, this morning, with the cigarettes? If anyone asks, that never happened, alright?" Liam said, giving Louis a mischievous smile. Louis smiled back and nodded. "I also wanted to ask...about the psychosis." Liam said hesitantly.

 

"What about it?" Louis asked, curious to see what Liam wanted.

 

"Well, what exactly is it?" At Louis' confused look, he went on. "I mean, I know what psychosis is, obviously. But I mean, with you. What is it with you?"

 

"Oh, erm, I guess I'm sometimes not all there. I see really bad stuff happening and I kinda freak a bit. At first my mum thought I might have ADHD or something, but it was more serious than that. I also had some...stuff happen to me as a kid. Contributing factors and all." Louis said with a shrug. Liam nodded. He seemed to be weighing something.

 

"Why aren't you at lunch, Louis?" He asked, turning back to pleasant conversation.

 

"I'm not really...welcome at my lunch table anymore."

 

"And why is that?"

 

"I sorta fucked my best friend's boyfriend on a psychosis trip thingy." Louis said. Then he blushed, realizing he'd just admitted to his totally sexy teacher that he was gay. Liam didn't even flinch.

 

"Hope he was at least hot. As maybe it was a little worth it." Liam said, glancing back down at his papers. Louis couldn't help but smile.

 

"Don't worry, he was." That got a smile from Liam. But then, suddenly, the smile was gone, replaced by determination. Liam slowly got up from his chair and walked over to Louis, stopping only when his face was merely inches from Louis'. Louis' smile dropped and his breathing hitched as the smell of Liam's cologne hit him. Liam's eyes begged permission which Louis' granted with a small nod of his head.

Liam's hand slowly came up to cup the back of Louis' head and pulled their lips together. Everything that the movies and TV shows and books had said about a perfect kiss were there for Louis. The fireworks, the butterflies in his stomach, the tingling in every inch of his body. Louis' hands wrapped themselves in Liam's curls and his legs came around to wrap around Liam's waist. Liam pushed himself as close as possible as his lips moved in synchronization with Louis'.

 

Slowly, his lips trailed from Louis' mouth, to his jaw and then to his neck, sucking lightly at the soft skin there. Louis' wasn't very proud of the moan that escaped his mouth, but it clearly did something for Liam because his hands moved from Louis' face to his chest, working slightly at the buttons on Louis' shirt. 

 

Eventually, Louis' shirt was on the ground, as was Liam's. Liam picked Louis up and moved him to his desk, laying Louis out and climbing on top of him, kissing at his chest. Louis couldn't help but admit this was the best lunch hour ever.

 

Liam's hand slowly traveled down to the button of Louis' jeans. He glanced up, asking for permission again, and Louis nodded. Liam unbuttoned them and slid them off, his hands traveling over Louis' thighs and he shivered, cursing lightly under his breath. This granted a chuckle from Liam. Liam was slowly lifting up the elastic of Louis' boxers when there was a knock at the door. Liam bolted upright, as did Louis. Liam quickly pulled his shirt back on and straightened his tie while Louis gathered up his clothes. He looked at Liam, lost as to what he should do and Liam motioned for him to get behind the desk. Louis crouched down and listened to Liam's footsteps as he made his way to the door, opening it and greeting whoever it was.

 

"Hey, babes!" A girl's voice said. Louis heard the clack of heels as the woman entered the room.

 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Liam asked, his voice shaking slightly.

 

"Just visiting my favorite person. And you, of course." They both laughed and Louis realized he knew that laugh. It was Perrie Edwards, the first and only girl Zayn ever dated. She had graduated a year earlier, being a year older. Louis wondered how she knew Liam. 

 

A few more words were exchanged before Louis heard the distinct sound of a kiss and then Perrie's heels retreated from the classroom. Louis heard the door close and waited a few moments before standing up. Liam was watching him warily.

 

"How do you know Perrie?" Louis asked, fearing the answer he would hear. He slowly pulled on his jeans, not looking at Liam.

 

"She's my fiance." Liam said flatly. He slowly walked over and grabbed a hold of Louis' chin, making him look at him. "Louis-" Louis smacked his hand away.

 

"I get it, okay? I'm the mentally unstable gay kid who you can get off with, and no one will believe him if he says anything. I get it, I really do." Louis said calmly, pulling his T-shirt on and making his way to the door. The bell rang, cutting off whatever Liam was about to say.

 

"It's okay, Liam. It's really okay." Louis said before leaving.

 

But they both knew it wasn't.


	4. Liam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's wrong, and Liam knows it. First of all, Louis is his student, and Liam is engaged. But somehow, Liam finds himself inexplicably drawn to Louis, and he's tired of fighting his feelings.

 

Since the incident with Louis, Liam couldn't stop thinking about him. And it was usually at the most inopportune moments, too. He could be sitting in his apartment, discussing wedding plans with Perrie, when suddenly he would start picturing how Louis had smiled at a joke one of his friends had told him before class one morning. Or he could be teaching his seventh hour class, talking about teenagers suffering mental disorders, when he would remember the way Louis had looked when he had assumed Liam was only using him because no one would believe him because of his psychosis. Or he could be having dinner with his and Perrie's parents when he'd get a really strong urge to find Louis and just kiss him.

 

 

In other words, he was completely and utterly _fucked_.

 

"Liam?"

 

Liam quickly glanced up and saw Perrie's face. She had clearly asked a question, and he had taken too long to answer.

 

"What?"

 

"I asked you what we should have for dinner at the club. For the reception, I mean."

 

"Oh, um, I don't know, Perrie. What do you want?"

 

" _Oh, no_! You have to make a decision! You've been making me do everything for the past couple of weeks!"

 

"I haven't been _making_ you! I've been _letting_ you!" Liam said, offering her a cheeky smile. Perrie rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her hip, fixing him with a hard stare. Liam sighed.

 

"What are the choices?"

 

"Chicken, fish, pork, or lobster."

 

"Well, fish and lobster are out. My mum's allergic." Perrie nodded seriously and waited for him to make a decision.

 

"So...I guess, chicken?" Liam phrased it as a question, hoping he'd chosen correctly. Perrie's answering smile said he had. Liam smiled and leaned his head on his hand and looked at her for a moment. Perrie was lovely, no question about it. Even with her hair pulled into a messy bun, her ratty T-shirt, and her ripped skinnies, she was still absolutely stunning. But there was still Louis.

 

Liam felt horrible about how things had ended with Louis. Yes, he probably would have had sex with Louis if Perrie hadn't interrupted. But no, he had not been simply _using_ Louis. He'd been watching the younger lad for quite some time, wondering about the beautiful, mysterious boy who sat in the third row, second seat from the door along with his friends every single day. And when he'd run into Louis on the sidewalk that day before class, Liam had actually been on a walk to get away from Perrie and her constant wedding questions. He had slowly been feeling overwhelmed by the whole wedding ordeal and then he'd spotted Louis, and he'd felt like maybe it was fate, him being on the street that day.

 

Finding out Louis had a mental disorder hadn't changed anything about him. It had just added another layer to the mysteries Liam so desperately wanted to peel back. And then, he'd kissed him, and suddenly this whole new world had opened. A world where Liam could have Louis, and Louis could kiss Liam and Perrie just didn't exsist.

 

 

Until she did.

 

And the hurt expression on Louis' face was forever engraved in Liam's mind. He'd tried talking to Louis, but the boy always had some excuse as to why he needed to leave. And Liam let him go. He wasn't going to force the poor boy to stay. But he was going to make things right.

 

 

***

 

 

After Liam taught through the first hour, he watched as the class slowly filed out.

 

"Louis, can you stay after for a bit?" Liam asked cautiously. Louis went to make an excuse, but Liam held up a hand to stop him. "Five minutes, please." And Louis couldn't argue with a teacher.

 

"What do you want, Liam?" Louis asked once Liam closed the door. Liam turned and rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to find the right way to say what he needed to say.

 

"Louis, the other day, I wasn't using you." Liam said. Louis frowned, but looked curious. "To be perfectly honest, from the minute I laid eyes on you, I just couldn't..." Liam struggled to find the right words. Rule One for being a teacher had been don't fall for students. _Too late_ , Liam thought.

 

"Focus?" Louis provided helpfully. Liam nodded and looked Louis straight in the eye.

 

"I want us to try again, Lou."

 

"Liam, you're engaged. To Perrie, of all people!" Louis exclaimed.

 

"I forgot to ask, how do you know Perrie?"

 

"You know my friend? The one whose boyfriend I slept with?" Liam nodded. "He used to date Perrie. Perrie only graduated last year, you know."

 

"Yeah, I know. We met only about a week after she graduated." Liam explained. Then he took a step closer to Louis, and then another.

 

"But I don't care, Louis." He said, leaning his forehead against the younger boy's. Louis' eyelashes fluttered closed, and Liam sighed. "Why couldn't I have met you first?" He whispered, almost to himself. Louis opened his eyes and looked at Liam's desperate features. Then, without thinking, Louis leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn't like their first kiss. This kiss was slow and gentle and comforting. Liam rubbed his thumb over Louis' cheek and kissed him back.

 

They both leaned back at the same time, and Louis glanced at the clock. "Your five minutes are up."

 

Liam chuckled and leaned away from him, but linked their fingers together.

 

"Is that a yes?" Instead of answering, Louis pulled out a piece of paper and wrote something on it. He handed it over to Liam, kissed him on the cheek, and then walked out of the room. Liam looked down at the paper and smiled.

 

_Don't let me down. (701) 777-8002_

_  
_***

 

 

At 9:03 that night, Liam texted Louis with his address. The reply came quickly.

 

_Couldn't resist, could ya ;)_

_  
_

Liam smiled and set his feet up on the coffee table. He clicked on the TV and waited. About twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Liam smiled and turned off the TV before making his way to the front door. He opened it and there was Louis, wearing a red V-neck T-shirt, tan trousers, and red TOMS. His hair was perfectly messy, and his gorgeous smile was in its usual place. Liam smiled and immediately wrapped his arm around Louis' waist, pulling him inside. Once the door was closed, Liam slammed Louis against it and graced Louis' lips with his presence. Louis moaned into the kiss and Liam chuckled slightly. He slowly spread Louis' legs apart with his knee and slated his thigh between Louis'.

 

Louis' fingers fumbled with the buttons on Liam's shirt, but he eventually got all the buttons undone and slid Liam's shirt off, letting it slide to the ground. Louis' hands pushed at Liam's chest until Liam was shoved back onto the couch in the living area. Louis straddled him, kissing up his chest and neck. Liam's hands slid up his shirt, slowly pushing it up. Louis only broke the kiss long enough to get the shirt over his head before attacking Liam's lips with his own. He gracefully pulled at Liam's jeans until they came undone and Louis' slide them off, running his fingertips over Liam's legs, giving the older man goosebumps.

 

"God, you're so _hot_!" Louis said, admiring Liam. Liam smiled and run his thumbs over the flesh at Louis' stomach.

 

"You gonna do something about it?" He replied with a wink. Liam wasn't sure where all of this was coming from. He was usually the sweet, innocent one that no one ever had to worry about. Now, suddenly, he was sneaking around on his fiance with one of his students, about to have sex on his _couch_ , and talking like some cocky bastard. He loved it.

 

"Hmm...I dunno..." Louis said with a mischivous smile. Liam laughed and wrapped a leg around Louis' waist, flipping them around. Unfortunately, the couch was not big enough for this action, and both guys tumbled onto the floor. Louis let out a laugh and Liam smiled wide, chuckling a bit. Then he slid on top of Louis, tugging at the boys trousers until they were finally off. Louis grabbed a handful of Liam's curls and pulled Liam's face down to his own. As they kissed, Liam found his hand slowly dragging across Louis' cock, which was only covered by the thin cotton of his boxers. Louis was hard, as was Liam, and he knew that he need to be with the boy.

 

Pulling at the boy's boxers, Liam looked up to see if it was okay. Louis smiled and nodded, his fingers trailing up and down Liam's arm. Liam pulled off both of their boxers and slowly went down on Louis, taking the boy full in his mouth and slowly pumping up and down. Louis groaned and bucked his hips up. Liam smiled, glad he could elicite this type of reaction, and continued to pump harder. It wasn't long before Louis was coming hard, spurting into Liam's mouth. When he was done, Liam kissed his way back up to Louis' lips. Louis looked a bit dazed, but eventually recovered from his orgasm.

 

"My turn." He said, doing the same for Liam. Liam couldn't remember a time when sex had felt like this for him. With Perrie it was more like going through the motions. Sure, it had started out good, always interesting, but with the wedding coming up soon, Perrie was always in such a rush and, on the rare occassions that they did have sex, it wasn't completely satisfactory. This, however, was new and brilliant and just... _Louis._

 

Afterwards, Louis had fallen asleep, cuddled into Liam's side. They were still on the floor, but Liam had grabbed a pillow off the couch and had thrown a blanket across the both of them. Liam had never felt so whole in his life.

 

***

 

 

"Shh, Louis, it's alright. You're alright!"

 

Liam was just coming around the corner of one of the hallways when he stopped, hearing a boy's voice followed by several whimpers.

 

"Come on, Lou! It's okay! You're here, you're safe." But the whimpers persisted. Liam looked around the corner and saw Louis sitting on the floor of the hallway, leaning against the lockers. Holding his hand was the darker boy, Liam remembered his name to be Zayn. He was whispering lightly to Louis, while Louis looked to be absolutely terrified.

 

"Lou, come on, please! I don't know what I'm supposed to do here."

 

"I need to go, Zayn! I just....really....need....to..." Louis cut off with a scream, ripping his hand from Zayn's grip and curling up in a ball on the floor, shaking badly. Liam stepped forward and Zayn glanced at him in relief.

 

"Thank God! Mr. Pay-er, Liam! I need your help!" Zayn shouted. Liam nodded and rushed over. Louis was shaking hard, whimpering.

 

"What's wrong with him?" Liam asked, his heart racing. He had never seen Louis so upset, not in all the time he'd been with Louis, which was coming up on almost three weeks.

 

"He's having another attack. _The little FUCKER,"_ Zayn scolded Louis. "Obviously forgot to takes his meds this morning. Can you please just stay with him and try to calm him down while I call Dr. Venti?" Zayn asked, panic evident in his dark eyes. Liam nodded and Zayn reached into Louis' pocket, grabbed his cell, and immediately dialed a number, standing up and walking a bit down the hallway.

 

"Lou," Liam said softly. Louis gave another whimper. The shaking wasn't enough to be considered a seizure, but it still looked pretty bad. Liam grabbed one of Louis' hands and intertwined their fingers. The shaking dissolved a little bit. "Lou, it's gonna be okay. I'm here, Liam is here." Liam said softly in Louis' ear. "Can you hear me?"

 

Louis nodded slightly. Liam looked over at Zayn and caught a bit of the conversation.

 

"No, we were just sitting in class when he started to get really jumpy. He told the teacher he just needed to leave, and I followed him out. Yeah, I've got a different teacher here. Yeah, I can do that. Okay, we'll be there soon." Zayn hung up and rushed back over.

 

"Lou, we're gonna go to the ER, okay? Dr. Venti is gonna meet us there and-" Louis bolted upright and onto his feet, backing away from the both of them. He looked panicked and scared and crazy.

 

"No, no, no, no!" He screamed, continuing to back up. "I don't wanna go! Don't make me go, Zayn! They're gonna make me stay there, and I don't wanna stay there!" Louis was crying now, and Liam's heart broke. He hated that he couldn't comfort Louis like he normally would have, because then Zayn would know. All he wanted to do was hug and kiss Louis and tell him everything was gonna be alright.

 

"Louis, we gotta go, alright? We gotta go." Zayn said calmly, reaching a hand out for Louis. Louis watched it hesitantly. He then glanced at Liam. Liam nodded, encouraging Louis to take Zayn's hand because he couldn't take his.

 

"Go, Louis." Liam said softly but firmly. Louis nodded slowly and gingerly placed his hand in Zayn's. Zayn gave Liam a grateful smile before gently wrapping his other arm around Louis' shaking shoulder and leading him towards the school parking lot.

 

Liam felt like collapsing after Louis left. He hadn't realized just how damaged the other boy really was. And he wanted to fix him.

 

 

***

 

 

Later that night, Liam heard a knock at the front door and opened it to an embarrassed looking Louis. Before Louis could say anything, Liam grabbed Louis and hugged him tight, smiling wide.

 

"Hi," Louis said softly, squeezing the other boy back.

 

"Hi," Liam replied, slowly letting go of the boy.

 

"I just got outta the hospital. They gave me new meds and stuff." Louis said, holding up a small bottle of pills. Liam nodded and led Louis inside.

 

"You scared the hell out of me, Louis. Never, ever, do that again, yeah?" Liam said. Louis nodded and cuddled into Liam's side. Liam kissed the top of his head.

 

"Louis, when you told me that it had something to do with stuff that had happened when you were a kid, what did you mean?" Liam asked quietly. Louis was silent for a long time, and Liam was about to give up on getting an answer when Louis spoke.

 

"When I was eight, my dad got really drunk and pulled a knife on my best friend, Carter." Liam was shocked. "Afterwards, my dad left and I called the police and sat with Carter, waiting for the ambulance. Carter bled to death holding my hand." Louis' voice held no emotion, and Liam leaned back to look at his face. Louis looked back at him and Liam could see all the hurt and anger and panic in the poor boy's eyes. Liam leaned down and kissed Louis, letting the boy know just how much Liam cared and wanted Louis to be safe. He wanted Louis to know that he would never let anything happen to the boy.

 

It was in that moment that Liam realized he was in love with Louis Tomlinson.


	5. Justin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin's life isn't easy. Never has been. And now he's supposed to help one friend destroy another, when all Justin wants to do is forget.

 

 

"Wake up you wanker. Meet me outside in ten minutes."

 

Justin stares at his phone as the connection cuts off. He notes that it's three o'clock in the fucking morning and his entire body hurts. Zayn had better have an awfully good reason for getting him out of bed that early.

 

Justin slides out of bed and looks at himself in the mirror. His right eye is black and swollen, and he has bruises running up his stomach and sides. He sighs and pulls on a T-shirt and a pair of black sweat pants before quietly exiting his bedroom and tip-toeing downstairs. He slips on his sneakers and quietly steps outside at the exact moment a shiny black Camaro pulls up in front of his small house. Justin slowly makes his way to the passenger's door and opens it, sliding in. As soon as he clicks his seat belt into place, Zayn puts the car into gear and they're driving.

 

"Where the fuck are we going?" Justin asks tiredly.

 

"I've got something to show you."

 

"At three a.m.?"

 

"Just shut up, okay? You'll see why soon enough." Justin kept quiet as they drove. It was only about five minutes later that Zayn pulled up to the curb in front of an apartment building. He shut the car off and just sat there.

 

"Zayn, what are we doing here?"

 

"Waiting."

 

"For?" At that moment, a wide smile formed on Zayn's face.

 

"That," he said, pointing ahead of him. There, walking down the sidewalk, was none other than Louis Tomlinson. Justin was confused as to why this was so important when he realized that Louis wasn't alone. He was walking with someone Justin couldn't quite recognize in the darkness. They made their way to the front of one of the apartments and the figure with Louis was suddenly illuminated from a street lamp. Justin's jaw dropped as he realized it was Mr. Payne, and he was leaning over and kissing Louis. Justin expected Liam to then leave, but instead, Louis grinned and pulled him inside the apartment.

 

"Was that-"

 

"Yes." Zayn said. Justin turned to look at him and saw he was lowering his iphone. Justin glanced at the screen and saw he had taken a picture.

 

"Zayn, what are you going to do?"

 

"If Louis' gonna fuck my boyfriend, I'm gonna fuck his life." Zayn said simply. Then he put the car in gear and pulled back onto the street.

 

"Okay...but why did I need to be here?" Justin asked.

 

"Because I needed another witness. You're gonna help me take Liam down."

 

"Zayn, I don't know if I want to-"

 

"Justin, do you want to be my friend or not?"

 

"Well, yeah, I guess, but I don't see why I need to be involved-"

 

"Because that's what friends do. Now get out." Justin realized they were idling outside of his house and he got out of the car. He turned back to say something but Zayn was already pulling back onto the street and driving off. Justin glanced at his phone. They'd been gone for almost an hour. He blearily made his way back inside his house and up to his room. He was just about to doze off when his phone buzzed.

 

_Get some sleep. Tomorrow Payne goes down. -Zayn_

_  
_***

 

"Get up, you arse!"

 

Justin was shaken awake by a giant hand landing on his cheek. He groaned and bolted upright. He stretched his sore muscles and slid out of bed, examining his eye once more as Allen, his stepdad stomped out of the room. Allen was stepdad number four, and he was just like the others.

 

He made his way downstairs and sat down at the kitchen table across from Allen. His mom slid a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him and kissed his forehead.

 

"Good morning, sweetheart."

 

"Don't baby him, Patricia. He needs to grow up and be a man, not a pansy." Allen growled as his mom slid a plate in front of his stepdad. 

 

"Yes, darling." Justin's mom said.

 

Justin rolled his eyes and ate his breakfast. Afterwards, Justin got into the shower and got changed. He was almost out the front door when Allen stepped in front of him.

 

"So, let's go over this again. Where did the black eye come from?"

 

"I'm a klutz. I tripped and banged my head on my desk."

 

"And what _really_ happened?" Allen asked with a smirk.

 

"I'm an ignorant twat who deserved to get beat." Justin spat at him. Allen nodded and shoved Justin out the front door.

 

Justin walked to school, hands deep in his pockets, thinking hard. He wondered why his mom constantly did this to him. Why was she always so set to marry the first guy that drunkenly offered her a compliment? Why couldn't Justin just be enough for her? He poked at his black eye and winced slightly. His face and ribs and stomach all just hurt so badly! 

 

"Justin!"

 

He turned and saw Louis walking towards him, a smile on his face. Justin's stomach dropped. Louis had been nothing but nice to him since he'd moved there, and now he was about to help Zayn take away someone he was clearly happy with. Even if it was a teacher.

 

"H-hey Louis." Justin said. Louis fell into step with him and they walked the last couple of blocks to the school.

 

"What happened to your eye?" He asked, examining the other boy's face. Justin bit his bottom lip.

 

"Oh, um, I tripped last night."

 

"Yeah..." Louis said, but Justin could tell he didn't buy it. "What really happened?"

 

"That _is_ what really happened." 

 

"Yeah, and I'm a fucking flying kangaroo." Louis placed his hand on Justin's shoulder and they both stopped walking. "Justin, who hit you?"

 

"N-no one." Justin said, not making eye contact with the taller boy.

 

"Justin," Louis said, a warning note in his tone.

 

"My stepdad," Justin said very quietly. Louis let out a small sound and wrapped Justin in a hug.

 

"You need to tell someone." Louis said into his hair.

 

"No!" Justin said, stepping out of the boy's embrace.

 

"Justin-"

 

"No, Louis! Just leave it alone, okay?" Justin shoved his hands back into his pockets and walked away from Louis. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out, almost expecting it to be Louis, but it was Zayn.

 

_Where r u? I'd like to do this sometime today -Zayn_

 

Justin sighed. He couldn't believe he was seriously going to do this. Louis hadn't done anythin to him. But he figured he liked Zayn, and Louis had done some pretty messed up stuff to the boy. He tapped out a reply as he walked towards the entrance of the school.

 

_Out front now. Meet you outside the office -Justin_

_  
_He made his way to where he was supposed to meet Zayn. He saw the dark haired boy in question as he made his way over. He eyed Justin's black eye curiously, but Justin didn't acknowledge it.

 

"Alright, let's do this." Zayn said, grabbing Justin's shoulder and dragging him into the office.

 

"And how might I help you, Mr. Malik?" Asked a twenty-something blonde behind the front desk.

 

"Hey, Val. I need to see Jenner. Is she in her office?" Zayn asked, fluttering his eyelashes flirtatiously at the receptionist. Justin didn't think that that would honestly work, but it did and Val smiled back.

 

"She sure is. Go right in." She said. Zayn nodded in thanks and pulled Justin into Mrs. Jenner's office.

 

"Zayn," She said, nodding to him, "Justin." 

 

"I want to file a complaint." Zayn said, pulling out his phone and placing it in Mrs. Jenner's office. She scrolled through several pictures and looked up at Zayn in shock.

 

"Mr. Payne? This can't be right, Mr. Payne is very professional, and I don't think he'd do something like this." Mrs. Jenner said firmly. Zayn looked at Justin and he sighed.

 

"It's true, Mrs. Jenner. I saw them together. Me and Zayn both did." Justin said, looking the woman straight in the eye.

 

"Well, I guess I can't ignore this." She said, handing Zayn back his phone. "Please go back to class. We'll...handle this." She said. Both boys nodded and then left. Justin glanced at Zayn and saw he had a triumphant smile on his face.

 

"Ya see? It wasn't that hard! Now you're in." Zayn said, clapping Justin on the back.

 

"I'm in what?" Justin asked.

 

"The group, or whatever. You do me a solid, and now I owe you. That's how it works. Now you're part of my "circle of friends" or whatever." Zayn said. "Now, let's get to Payne's class. Maybe we'll see him get handcuffed or something."

 

They entered the class just as the last bell rang. Justin glanced at Louis, who was talking with Niall, and then at Liam, who was smiling to himself, casting glances at Louis. Justin took a deep breath and sat down. He couldn't believe his favorite teacher was about to get fired, possibly arrested, all because he was dating the wrong person.

 

"Alright class, let's calm down for a minute." Liam said. Everyone moved into their own chairs, Louis right next to Justin. Zayn was on the other side of him, and Justin watched as he leaned over to Louis.

 

"Hey, Lou, Payne's looking mighty fine today, yeah?" Zayn asked, winking at Justin in the process. Louis' face got bright red and Justin gulped. Now Zayn was just playing mean.

 

"Alright, so we've been talking a lot about how society is slowly evolving into a mass media culture and how-" Liam was cut off by a knock at the door and he stopped. "Come on in!" He called. Justin's stomach dropped as Mrs. Jenner and a police officer entered the room.

 

"Mr. Payne, might we have a word?" Mrs. Jenner asked. Justin watched as Liam cast a quick glance at Louis, and Justin did the same. Louis' face was a mask of no emotion as he watched Liam nod and exit the room with them. Justin's eyes moved to Zayn who looked quite smug in his seat. The class chatted nervously for quite a while before Liam entered, his face white and startled looking.

 

"Um," He said, rubbing at the back of his neck and facing the class. "Class is, uh, dismissed, I guess. I'll um...yeah." Liam said, motioning towards the door. Most of the students looked confused but collected their things nontheless and left. Justin watched as Niall, Cher, and Harry left the room. Harry threw a glance at Zayn as they left, but Zayn didn't leave his seat. Justin figured he might as well stay too. Louis didn't move either. He threw glances at Zayn and Justin, confused as to why they weren't leaving. The door closed behind the last student and it was just the four of them. Liam glanced at the remaining three students and looked warily at Zayn and Justin.

 

"So, Mr. Payne. Do you leave today, or are they giving you a few days to collect your things?" Zayn asked, crossing his arms over his chest and looking smugly at the teacher. Liam's wary look changed to anger.

 

"The fuck?! Why?" Liam asked. Louis looked a little startled at Liam's outburst and turned to Zayn.

 

"What did you do?" Louis asked Zayn quietly.

 

"It's okay, Lou. You don't have to pretend anymore. I fixed everything." Zayn said, smiling comfortingly at Louis. "He's not going to hurt you anymore." 

 

"Lou?" Liam asked, throwing a shocked expression at the boy. 

 

"No, Li! I swear, I didn't tell them!" Louis turned on Zayn. "How the fuck did you find out?" And then he turned to Justin. "And you knew? I was trying to _help_ you!"

 

"Help you with what?" Zayn asked, glancing curiously at Justin. Justin felt rage boil in his blood. Louis was about five seconds away from blowing everything for his family.

 

"Nothing! I don't need help from a psychotic prick like you." Justin spat at Louis, picking up his bags and storming out of the classroom.

 

Justin didn't wait around to see the outcome of Zayn's plan with Mr. Payne. He stormed off school grounds and to a small park on the outskirts of the city. He dropped onto a bench and sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

 

"You alright there?"

 

Justin's eyes snapped open and there was Zayn, smoking a cigarette and looking at the small fountain in front of them.

 

"Where the fuck did you come from?" Justin snapped. Zayn rolled his head around to look at him.

 

"You've been gone for hours. I was beginning to get a bit worried." Justin pulled out his phone. 2:49 p.m. He'd been gone for almost six hours.

 

"Six hours?!" Justin gasped.

 

"Must've fallen asleep." Zayn said with a shrug, taking a pull of his cigarette. "So, what was Louis trying to help you with? Something to do with that black eye?"  
  


Justin's reply was a shrug.

 

"Alright, don't answer. But, if you want something to take your mind off of it," Zayn dropped his cigarette on the ground and ground it down with his heel. He then swung his right legs over Justin and straddled him, his arms wrapping around Justin's neck. "I can help with that." Zayn's breath swarmed deliciously on Justin's lips and Justin closed the distance between them and licked at Zayn's lips, his hands resting gently on Zayn's hips.

 

Justin knew that Zayn wasn't going to be his boyfriend or anything. They were both in pain at the moment. No matter how much he tried to hide it, Zayn was hurt over Harry's betrayel and was just trying to fill the hole Harry had left. And Justin just needed to forget. Forget that his mom was hurting, and that his family wasn't really a family at all, or that he had just burned a bridge to Louis' friendship by getting his boyfriend fired. And besides, Zayn wasn't his type. He was just there, with the scent of Calvin Klien cologne and cigarette smoke intoxicating to Justin at that moment, and Justin realized Zayn was really good at making people forget. Justin hoped he was doing the same for Zayn.

 

Because that's what friends did.


	6. Cher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cher has always had to protect Niall. The only problem is she sometimes can't protect herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ: The following chapter has graphic content of rape. Please do not read if you are very sensitive to the subject. Also, note that I am here for anyone who wants to talk if any of the below applies to a situation you've gone through. I am deeply sorry. And I cried writing this.

 

  
Cher sometimes thinks she was meant to be a bird. Like flying is the only thing she was ever meant to do. She can imagine her dark hair becoming silky feathers that would extend and carry her far from where she was.

 

The only problem: Cher is _not_ a bird.

 

And it is for that exact reason that she is sitting in the diner, watching Niall shove yet another pancake into his mouth, and she wants to be sick. Not because it revolts her. Honestly, she believes that if someone likes to eat, they should eat. If they like to eat _a lot_ , then that's okay, too.

 

No, she just hates what happens after. Because afterwards, when the others have left, Cher is the one that sits with Niall as he throws it all up in the diner's restroom.

 

Cher has known for quite some time that Niall was bulimic. It really wasn't hard to figure out. The fact that he could eat and eat and not gain a single pound. Whenever someone asked, he'd smile and say something about his high metabolism, but she knew better. And that was why, everyday, she'd sit in the stall with him while he cried and vomited, and she'd rub his back and whisper sweet things in his ear like _you're better than this_ and _I love you,_ _Niall. Don't you ever forget that._

 

And when he was finished, he'd lean back against the stall wall, wipe his eyes, and look over at her. They'd stare at each other for a long time before Niall would stand, brush off his clothes, and lean down to whisper " _Thank you,_ " to Cher before he left. And Cher would just sit there and listen to him rinse his mouth with the small bottle of mouthwash he carried around and leave. And it was in those moments that she thought about being a bird.

 

***

 

 

"Hey,"

 

Cher turned and looked up at Justin. She smiled and nodded to the spot on the bench next to her. He sat and she grabbed ahold of his hand.

 

"How are you, my loverly?" Cher asked, fluttering her eyelashes at him. He laughed and squeezed her hand.

 

"I'm alright. How about yourself?"

 

"I'm...I'm here." Cher said with a shrug. Justin nodded and they were silent for a moment.

 

"Are you and Zayn fucking?"

 

Justin's eyes snapped to Cher's face.

 

"W-where did you hear that?"

 

"I didn't _hear_ it anywhere. It's called observation, J. You and him sneak off a lot and you always come back looking like you've had a lovely snog." She smiled cheekily at him.

 

"Snog?"

 

"Oh, right, you're more American than English. I guess you'd call it 'make out.'" Cher said, shrugging.

 

"Oh, well, um-"

 

"I just want to know, has it gone past snogging? I mean, have you two fucked?"

 

"N-no, we haven't, erm...fucked." Justin said, his ears turning a bright pink. Cher found it cute.

 

"Don't," She told him firmly.

 

"Why?" Justin asked. Cher brought his hand to her lap and spread his fingers out. She lazily dragged her fingers across his palm before answering.

 

"Because, he's not over Haz. May not ever be. You'd just be taking advantage of him. Besides, I don't think you should lose your V-card to Malik." She leaned close to his ear to whisper, "you're too good for him."

 

She could hear the bell ring and she stood to collect her bags. Justin stood with her and they began their walk to the entrance of the school. As they were about to go their separate ways to grab their books, Justin tugged on her hand and brought her close.

 

"I know he's not over Haz. And I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of him-"

 

"Shh, J, it's alright. Zayn's a big boy. He doesn't let people take advantage of him. That's probably why he _hasn't_ fucked you. He knows what's best for him." With that, she pecked his cheek and made her way to Sociology. Upon entering the class, she took notice of a young woman who seemed to be a substitute. Cher wondered if Liam's absence had anything to do with their abrupt departure the week before. Shrugging, Cher made her way to her seat. As the final bell rang, she realized Louis wasn't in class. Nor was Niall, for that matter. She pulled out her phone, but their were no new messages.

 

Cher glanced over at where Justin was sitting next to Zayn. She noticed the way Zayn would lazily glance over at him and Justin's ears would turn pink, causing a smirk to become prominent on Zayn's lips. Cher's eyes floated to Harry. The boy looked a lot older than he had at the start of the term. His eyes were trained on Zayn, and Cher felt bad for him. Sure, he deserved everything he'd gotten, but still. The boy was clearly smitten for Zayn. If only he'd realized that sooner.

 

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket and she discreetly pulled it out, seeing she had a new message from Niall.

 

_SOS -Nialler_

Cher's stomach dropped. She glanced at the clock. She'd only left the diner an hour earlier. And here she was, back in the exact same place. Sighing, she raised her hand in the air.

 

"Yes? Mis..." The substitute trailed off, staring at her paper for her name. Cher rolled her eyes.

 

"Cher. Cher Lloyd. Can I use the loo?" The woman nodded and Cher collected her bag before walking out the door to find Niall. When she lightly tapped on the door to the boy's lavatory, she heard a faint _come in_ before pushing inside. She found Niall curled up on the bathroom floor. She immediately dropped her bag and gently curled up next to him, wrapping her arm around his waist and nuzzling her face in the crook of his neck while he shook and cried. She didn't say a word, just sat there and hugged him tightly, silently begging Niall to get better.

 

***

 

 

"Stop staring, Nialler." Cher said for about the millionth time. Niall turned and stuck his tongue out at her before turning back to eye-fuck Zayn.

 

Besides being bulimic, Niall was also bisexual, and crazy in love with Zayn. Which is why it had always killed him that Harry got him, seeing as he was a massive slut. After Zayn had ended it, Niall's hopes had suddenly soared. Cher hadn't yet grown the balls to tell him that Zayn was messing about with Justin. She didn't want Niall to start hating Justin, too.

 

"How is it that one person could be _that_ gorgeous?" Niall kind of breathed, and Cher rolled her eyes.

 

"Shove it, Niall." She said. "I'm trying to study for this fucking chemistry test tomorrow."

 

"Fuck it, Cher." Niall said, slamming her book closed and tossing it to the grass where her bag was seated. They were currently sitting outside after classes, and Cher was trying to keep a close eye on Niall after the restroom incident the other morning. Zayn was sitting with Justin and a few other people just a few feet away at their own little table.

 

"I can't fuck it, Niall. I need to do well in this class, and on my A-levels." She said, but made no move to pick up her book. Instead, she scanned the campus. "Have you seen Louis?"

 

"Naw, he's been out all week. Maybe he had another relapse or something." Niall said with a shrug. Cher pulled out her phone and sent him a text.

 

_Where are you? Not locked in the loony, right? <3 -Cher_

The reply came almost instantly.

 

_Fuck off -Louis_

Cher stared at her phone. Niall raised an eyebrow at her and held his hand out for her to hand him her phone. She placed her phone in his hand and watched as he read the two words.

 

"What'd you do to Tommo?" Niall asked with a laugh.

 

"Me? I didn't say a word!" Cher said. Niall just laughed and looked back at Zayn, his laughter turning into a sigh. Cher bit her bottom lip before sucking in a deep breath.

 

"Niall," she said. He turned and smiled at her. "Niall, I, just, don't hate me, okay?" Cher asked. Niall nodded quickly, turning completely to look at her.

 

"Zayn's been messing about with Justin." She said quietly. Niall stiffened a bit before nodding slowly. Then he sort of slumped and sighed.

 

"I knew I didn't stand a chance." He said. His voice was small and Cher's heart broke a little. She hated when he got like this. This was always how he got before he got upset and went home to scream at his reflection. He'd scream at himself to be better, to look better, to act better. Cher hated how much Niall loathed himself.

 

"Nialler, look, maybe-"

 

"Stop, Cher. Alright?" Niall asked. Cher nodded and grabbed onto his hand. They were silent for a bit before Cher smiled. She knew what would make the little leprechaun smile. She reached beneath the table and pulled out his guitar case. Niall watched her as she pulled out his gorgeous acoustic guitar and handed it over to him.

 

"Let's have a little song, shall we?" She asked. Niall smiled and fingered his guitar pick.

 

"And what shall we sing, my dearest Cher?" She giggled and contemplated the millions of choices. Then she smiled and her voice rang out, low and beautiful.

 

_In the morning, I was weary.  
_

_In the morning, I was alone.  
_

_But in the evening, I was dreaming.  
_

_Of our love, and the way it carries on.  
_

_  
_Niall smiled and instantly began strumming on his guitar, lightly at first, then slowly gaining momentum. Cher smiled as Niall grinned, lighting up his entire face and dazzling her. She continued to sing.

 

_In the city, I was working._

_Feeling busy, chasing time.  
_

_But when I'm tired, she's my fire.  
_

_'Cause I know, that her love is always mine!  
_

Cher smiled wider as Niall's voice joined in with hers to sing the next part.

 

_She assures me, that when life hurts me,_

_Our love will carry on.  
_

_In the afternoon, I was worried_

_About the future, and where I'd go.  
_

_But when I'm thinking, the fears start sinking.  
_

_'Cause I turned to the love I'd always known.  
_

_She assures me, that when life hurts me,  
_

_Our love will carry on.  
_

_  
_As Niall started in on the guitar solo, Cher looked around. They'd slowly gathered a crowd of people who were smiling. At first, Cher wondered if it was the music. But one look at Niall's face made her question if it was just the boy's beauty that had brought all these people. Including Zayn, who was smiling at the small Irish boy. As the solo ended, Cher let Niall sing alone.

 

_Lalalala_

_Lalalalaa  
_

_la lalala  
_

_oooh, aww ooh! yeah!  
_

_She assures me, that when life hurts me,  
_

_Our love will carry on!  
_

  
Our love will carry on!

_  
_As Niall sang the last line, everyone, including Cher and Zayn, burst into applause. Niall's smile was so blinding, Cher wanted to cry. _Why can't he see_ this _when he looks at himself in the mirror?_ she wondered.

 

_Why can't he see that I love him?_

_***  
_

_  
_It was late that night when Cher made her way home from Niall's house. She'd offered to spend the night, wanting to look over the other boy, but Niall had just smiled and told her to go home. He'd be fine.

 

It was dark on the sidewalks, the only lights guiding her were the dim streetlamps above her head. Cher smiled and started humming _Fix You_ by Coldplay to herself. Maybe if she'd been paying more attention, she'd have seen them. 

 

The man jumped out of nowhere, grabbing a hold of her jacket and pulling her into the alley. She went to scream, but the man slammed his hand over her mouth, _hard._ Another man grabbed her legs and together they carried her farther into the alley. Cher was panicking now. She lashed out with her Converse'd shoe and kicked the man in the left shoulder, but he just shook it off and grabbed her ankle, twisting it uncomfortably until she stopped thrashing. The man holding her wrists let go and she fell onto the hard cemented ground. The man holding her legs immediately straddled her and leered at her. Cher wanted to vomit.

 

The other man took a piece of duct tape and placed it over her mouth where his hand had been. He then ripped her scarf from her neck and tied her hands together above her head. She had never felt more vulnerable, more terrified in her life. She started kicking her legs about, but it did no good with the man atop her. She felt tears running down the side of her face and into her hair. The man who wasn't on top of her leaned against the opposite wall and watched, a sick smile plastered to his face.

 

"God, you're gorgeous." The man on top of her slurred. He then slid his hands up her T-shirt and rubbed at her breasts. Cher wanted to scream, but it was no use with the duct tape. The man unclipped her bra and dragged it out from underneath her shirt before grabbing her breasts and squeezing. He then moved his hands to unbutton her pants. Cher was still kicking, but it was no use. He was much stronger. He yanked her pants to her ankles and slowly ran his thumb underneath the elastic of her panties. Cher would have thrown up then if it weren't for the duct tape. Instead, she sort of convulsed, shaking terribly. The man didn't seem to care. He harshly dragged her panties to her ankles as well before unbuttoning his own trousers. Cher clenched her eyes shut as he pulled his member out of her pants. He didn't even hesitate before shoving all of himself inside of Cher. She convulsed again at the horrible feeling. He was _inside_ of her, and she wanted to be sick.

 

He started thrusting harshly and Cher continued to cry. The pain, humiliation, and fear all evident in those single beads of water seeping from between her eyelashes. She knew he was close when his moans started getting louder and his thrusts got faster. Eventually he came and Cher convulsed yet again. He rode her through his orgasm and then collapsed on top of her. She was shaking badly, and her breathing was shallow, what with the man on top of her. After about ten minutes the other man slowly dragged the man off and Cher watched as he tucked himself back into his pants before the other man got on top of Cher. Her eyes widened. It wasn't over.

 

The man's hands traveled up her thigh, to her exposed stomach, up her shirt to rest on her breasts. He then slowly slid his fingers down to finger her. Cher wiggled a bit, trying to get away from his fingers, but it was no use. She was bound and gagged. She wasn't going anywhere. So she closed her eyes stayed very still as the man replaced his fingers with his cock and began thrusting into her. Everything hurt. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. She wanted to go home and go to sleep and never wake up. Cher had never thought the words before, but she was thinking them now.

 

_I want to die._

_  
_When the man finally came, he sat straddling her for a few moments to minimize the shakes that rolled off of him from his orgasm before he pulled out of her and pulled up his pants. He then pulled her panties and pants back into place, untied her hands and then they both took off. Cher didn't move for a long while after they were gone. She honestly didn't know if moving would make anything better. She just wanted to curl up and stay there forever.

 

She's not sure how long she laid there before she slowly sat up and eased the duct tape off of her mouth. Her entire lower half ached. She grabbed her bra off the cement and stood up. She tossed her bra into a dumpster at the edge of the alley and she stumbled back onto the sidewalk. She zipped her jacket tight and around her to fend off the shakes that she had contracted upon exiting the the alley. She took a few steps before stumbling and falling on the sidewalk. She curled up in a little ball and sobbed. She eventually fell asleep, right there on the sidewalk.

 

And she dreamed.

 

She dreamed of finally, _finally_ becoming a bird.

 


	7. Niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall knew what was going to happen, but he didn't try to stop it. Maybe he couldn't have stopped it.

 

"Have you heard from Cher?"

 

Niall's been asked and been asking the same question for over a week now. The last time Niall had seen or heard from Cher was when she was leaving his house, and now, nothing. No texts, no calls, no nothing. When Niall had called her house, Mrs. Lloyd had said Cher was in no condition to talk to anyone. Whatever that meant.

 

Eventually, Niall couldn't take it anymore, and he drove himself over to Cher's house. He pounded on the door a few times before it swung open, revealing a very not-so-happy looking Mr. Lloyd.

 

"Yes, Niall? How can I help you?" He asked sternly.

 

"Is Cher here?" He asked. Mr. Lloyd glanced back into the house before sighing.

 

"I'm sorry, Niall, Cher really can't-"

 

"Dad?" came a small voice from within the house. Niall stretched to look around Mr. Lloyd to see Cher slowly coming down the stairs. She looked extremely fragile and small. It made Niall want to cry a little. "It's okay, dad. I can talk with Niall." Her voice was quieter than Niall had ever heard it.

 

"Alright, if you're sure..." Mr. Lloyd eyed them both carefully before leaving them alone. Niall stepped into the house and Cher ushered him up to her room, locking the door behind her.

 

"What's going on, Cher? What's wrong?"

 

Cher climbed into the bed and curled up in the middle of the fluffy comforter. Niall layed down next to her and wrapped his arms around her, much like she had done the other day in the bathroom.

 

"Cher?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"What happened?"

 

Before she could respond, a huge sob shook her and Niall clutched at her tightly, making sure she didn't go anywhere. She cried for a long time before she finally told spoke.

 

"I-I was...I was raped, Nialler." She said, bursting into tears again. Niall's mouth dropped open, but he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. What he _should_ say. They stay there, huddled in the covers, for a long time. Eventually, Niall had to leave and he kissed the top of Cher's head. She had fallen asleep about an hour earlier, so Niall supposed he wouldn't be missed terribly. He slowly tip toed out of the room and makes his way out the front door. He got in his car and drove home.

 

Cher was raped. He still can't really process that information. Between gasps of air, Cher had told him everything that had happened after she'd left his house. Niall wanted to find whoever it was that had broken Cher and beat them to a pulp. He also wanted to beat himself up. He'd let her leave. He had let her walk home by herself instead of just giving her a ride. If he had just given her a ride, everything would be alright.

 

Once he was home, Niall rushed upstairs to his room and collapsed on his bed, tears forming in his eyes. _It's my fault_ , was all he could think.

 

***

 

Cher was at school the next day. She looked tired and scared, but she was there. Niall slung an arm around her shoulders and smiled easily, walking with her to her locker. She offered a small smile in return. She opened her locker and pulled out her books before they made their way to Sociology. Niall glanced at the woman who had been teaching their class for a long time.

 

"What happened to Liam?" He asked Cher as they found their seats. She responded with a shrug. Niall looked around at the students in the class. He didn't know many of them. There was Bailey, the girl he sat behind in French, and then there was Conner Atkins, who had played the drums for him in music class one day. He spotted Nick Grimshaw, a friend of Harry's who sometimes hung out with them. Zayn didn't like him, and Niall wondered if Harry had slept with him, too. Zayn was seated in front of Niall, right next to Justin. The thought of them hooking up made Niall want to vomit. Why couldn't he have Zayn? Was he destined to be alone?

 

The bell rang just as Harry slipped into the door, looking worried. He slid into the open desk next to Cher and leaned over to whisper, "have either of you seen Louis?" They both shook their heads and Harry looked like he was about to be sick. Harry's gaze shifted to Zayn and Niall watched as tears welled in the boys eyes. Niall looked at Zayn and saw his hand was rubbing on the inside of Justin's thigh, causing Justin to turn a bright red. Niall looked back at Harry and saw him fighting tears.

 

 _He got what he deserved,_ Niall thought.

 

***

 

Cher went home early and Niall was just about to sit down at his usual lunch table with Zayn and Justin when a hand reached out and pulled him into an abandoned classroom. Niall didn't recognize the guy who had pulled him in. His hair was a dark brown, and it was long and shaggy. His eyes were a light grey and they were a bit glazed over, like he was high. He probably was.

 

"Can I help you?" Niall asked.

 

"Names Neil. Neil Everett." The boy said, sticking out his hand. _Neil Everett,_ Niall thought, _why does that name sound so-_

Holy shit. He was speaking to the infamous Neil Everett. The boy who supposedly threw all of the most spectacular parties.

 

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Niall said in awe, shaking the boys hand. "My brother said that Neil was just a stage name!"

 

"It is," the boy, Neil, said. " That's not actually my name, but it's what you'll know me by."

 

"So you're the one that throws the parties?"

 

"The one and only! And you're next on my list."

 

"List of what?"

 

"Well, it's sort of a variety of people: The drinkers, the party-hards, the crazies, et cetera. You see, I can't just bloody pay for _everything_ , so I get people, like you, who like to party, to help out a little. So, tomorrow night, I need alcohol. None o'that cheap stuff, either. I need hardcore liquor. Beer, vodka, gin, whatever you think people will need."  
  


Niall had never heard anyone say they'd ever talked to this guy, so he was a little skeptical. 

 

"So who was the Neil before you?"

 

"My brother. Are you in or not?" The kid asked, clearly irritated.

 

"What? Oh, um, yeah, sure!"

 

"Alright, get the booz. Tomorrow night I'll text you a time and place about an hour before the party starts. You'll be the first to know about it!" Neil said with a wink. "Pleasure doin' business with you."

 

Niall nodded, dazed, as Neil quickly exited the classroom. He wasn't sure what he should do now. Before he could do anything, the door opened again and Neil stuck his head back in.

 

"Oh, and there's a reason no one knows who I am or what I look like. Let's keep it like that, okay? You never saw me." He ducks back out of the room and Niall sighs. His life could not get weirder.

 

***

 

It's two o'clock in the morning.

 

It's two o'clock in the morning and his phone is ringing.

 

It's two o'clock in the morning and his phone is ringing _very loudly._ Niall groans and lazily reaches for it, dragging it off the nightstand and answering.

 

"Whoever you are, I will kill you."

 

"Get your arse outside or I'm stealing your fucking car." It's Louis, and he doesn't sound like he's joking. Niall groans again and rolls out of bed. He pulls on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt before he's stumbling down the stairs and out the front door. Louis is leaning against the driver's door and he looks pissed. And crazy.

 

"Lou, have you taken your medication?" 

 

"Give me the fucking keys." Louis says through gritted teeth. Niall assumes he should probably do as the boy says before he loses a hand. He tosses Louis the keys and he unlocks the door. He jumps into the front seat and yells to Niall, "If you're coming, get in the fucking car." 

 

Niall gets in the car.

 

Louis is driving like a fucking maniac, and Niall knows for sure that he hasn't taken his medication. Probably not for a long time.

 

"Lou," he says, his voice shakey from panic. "Where are we going?"

 

"Fucking Zayn, had to go ruin everything." Louis is muttering more to himself than to Niall. "Gonna mess that cunt up, is what I'm gonna do." And before Niall can ask him what the hell he is talking about, Louis pulls a gun out of the back of his jeans. Niall's grip on his seat tightens.

 

"Fuck Louis! What are you doing with that?!"

 

"Zayn Fucking Malik is going to pay, Niall." 

 

"W-what did he do, Louis?" Niall asks, terrified. "C'mon, Lou! Let's just go back to mine! We can talk about this-"

 

"He took him away, Niall! He took him away and now I'm gonna make him go away!" Niall isn't following anything Louis is saying, but he supposes it doesn't matter. Louis is clearly having an episode, and he's driving, and he has a gun. Niall shouldn't have answered his phone.

 

"-listening to me?!"

 

"What?" Niall asks, turning to look at Louis again.

 

"I'm gonna kill him, Niall." Louis says. His eyes are wild and Niall wants to burst into tears.

 

"Louis, please-"

 

"Oh, hush, Nialler." Louis says, his voice becoming a scary calm. "Everything will be alright." Louis taps under Niall's chin with the edge of the gun. Niall supposes it was supposed to be a calming gesture, but with the gun, it scares him to the core.

 

Niall knew what was going to happen, but he didn't try to stop it. Maybe he couldn't have stopped it. All he knows is that one second, Louis is driving and acting crazy and the next there's car lights coming through his window and the passenger's door is being smashed and the car is flying and all Niall can think before he blacks out is,

 

_I don't think I'll make it to Neil's party._


	8. Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where everything is falling apart while some things are falling into place.

 

Zayn was the first to get a phone call. It came at four o'clock that morning, not long after he'd crawled in through his bedroom window from a party he'd gone to and was about to doze off. He groaned and reached into his pocket to answer it.

 

"Hullo?" He mumbled sleepily into the phone.

 

"-no, could you just? Oh, hello, is this Zayn?" Came a voice Zayn didn't recognize.

 

"Erm, yes?"

 

"Hi, this is Angela Marx from St. Peter's hospital in London. I'm calling on behalf of a..." Zayn heard a fluttering of paper on the other end of the line. "Niall Horan." Zayn sat up in his bed and rubbed tiredly at his eyes.

 

"Okay," he said hesitantly.

 

"Niall was brought in about an hour ago with major injuries from a car accident and you were the first person in his emergency contacts." Zayn bolted off his bed, cursing.

 

"I'm on my way!" He shouted into the phone before hitting "end" and rushing outside to his car. He climbed inside and shifted gears, tearing out of the driveway and onto the street.

 

*

 

Cher was awoken by an insistent buzzing from somewhere near her left calf. She groaned and burrowed deeper into the covers, searching for her phone. She pulled it out and squinted at the name. Why the fuck was _Zayn Malik_ calling her at this ungodly hour?

 

"Zayn," she answered, "you do realize that it is _four in the morning,_ right?"

 

  
"Trust me, I know. But Niall's in the hospital, Cher. They just called. I guess it's pretty bad." And that was all Cher needed. She agreed to meet Zayn there and jumped out of bed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a red sweater. She pulled on her black Converse sneakers and ran out of the house, leaving a note for her parents.

 

*

 

Justin could barely open his eyes when his phone buzzed on the floor across the room. Not from tiredness, but from the fact that Alan had gotten in a pretty nice punch, leaving a nice black and blue shiner. Sighing (and then wincing, because breathing was a bit of a problem with a possible fractured rib), Justin crawled, slowly, out of bed and over to the pair of jeans he'd tugged off earlier that morning. He reached inside the pocket and produced his phone. Zayn was calling. Why wasn't he surprised?

 

"Look, Zayn, I'm tired and-"

 

"Justin, Niall's in the hospital. I just pulled into the parking lot. Do you think you could come over here?" Zayn cut in. He sounded more serious and adult-like than Justin had ever heard him.

 

"Yeah, um, I guess. But I don't have any cash to get there, so-"

 

"Just take a cab. I'll pay for it when you get here." There was a pause. "Just, please, get here."

 

And Justin couldn't very well say no.

 

*

 

Louis was a different matter.

 

The nurses had, at first, tried to calm him down. He'd watched them drag Niall's body out of the car and he couldn't think straight. Not that he'd been thinking straight before, but he certainly was inconsolable now. When they'd found the gun in the car, they'd started badgering him with questions like, "What was the gun going to be used for?" "Is the gun yours or Mr. Horan's?" "Mr. Tomlinson, please sit down and answer the questions!"

 

But he couldn't, because his entire world was crumbling. He'd fallen in love, and Zayn had taken it away. Then he'd run out of pills and he couldn't remember the number for Dr. Venti, so he'd stopped taking it. And now, Niall was being carted off to the hospital, and no one would tell him if he was going to be okay. This was all his fault, and he wanted it to stop.

 

And as if that weren't enough, the images kept coming back. Of his father, sneering at him unmercifully. Of Carter, bleeding and crying. One of the nurses recognized him and immediately informed the other nurses of his psychosis and they immediately took him to the hospital to get him medicated.

 

The moment they stepped into the hospital, however, Louis lost it. He didn't want to be anywhere near that place. He started screaming, clawing at the nurses, and crying. He didn't want them to give him any more medication, and he hated the shots with the sedatives. He hated going to sleep. Sleep brought back the nightmare Louis hated so much. The only time he had ever gotten a peaceful night's sleep since the accident was when he had been wrapped up in Liam's arms. And Zayn had taken him away.

 

And just like that, the anger and hatred was back, and Louis wanted his gun back.

 

Eventually, they gave him the sedative and he slowly drifted into unconsciousness. A peace overcame his entire body as he was enveloped in the darkness.

 

Unfortuantely, the sedative wasn't strong enough and he was awake and alert not half an hour later. He made his way out of the room and was about to make a break for it when one of the nurses turned and saw him.

 

*

 

"Harry."

 

Harry's eyes snapped open at the sound of Zayn's voice. The boy hadn't spoken to him since the incident almost two months earlier with Louis. All his feelings for Zayn came flashing to the surface at the sound of his name being called.

 

"Zayn!" He exclaimed. He smiled. Zayn was going to give him a second chance. Zayn was calling to take him back.

 

"Harry, Niall's in the hospital." Zayn said quietly, and Harry's spirits fell. Niall. He wasn't calling for him, he was calling about Niall.

 

"What happened to Niall?"

 

"He's been in a car accident, Harry. Can you get to the hospital?"

 

"Um, yeah, yeah. I'll be there in a bit." They both hung up and Harry sighed. He hoped Niall was okay. But something told him he wasn't.

 

*

 

Zayn got to the hospital about twenty minutes later. He was greeted by the sound of screaming from down a hallway. Zayn recognized the screaming instantly.

 

"Mr. Tomlinson!" A nurse shouted. Zayn peeked around the corner and watched the fight that was brewing in the hallway as Louis flailed around, screaming for them to get that _fucking_ _needle_ away from him.

 

"Louis?" Zayn asked. Everyone in the hallway froze and turned to look at him.

 

"I'm sorry, you need to go-"

 

"What the fuck are _you_ doing here?" Louis spat at him.

 

"Please leave." A nurse shouted at Zayn and he did as he was told. He was stepping back into the waiting room when Justin and Cher came rushing in through the ER doors. Zayn hugged Cher tightly before pecking Justin lightly on the lips. They sat down and Zayn explained what the nurse had told him about the crash, which wasn't a lot.

 

When Harry came into the hospital, Zayn immediately wrapped him in a tight embrace, and Harry hugged him back right away. Zayn had missed him so much, he couldn't believe it had only been a couple of months. Harry had always been home for him, and losing him had been so hard, even though he'd hurt him so badly. They stayed wrapped in each others arms until one of Louis' screams ripped them apart.

 

"Was that Louis?" Harry asked. Zayn nodded and sat down again between Cher and Justin. Harry threw Justin an angry glance before sitting on the other side of Cher. _What the fuck is that twat doing here?_ Harry thought. _He isn't Niall's friend, and he's not mine._

 

A nurse came around the corner and approached them.

 

"You lot here for Niall Horan?" She asked. They all nodded.

 

"Okay, well, I can't tell any of you anything about Mr. Horan's condition unless you're family. Are any of you family?" Zayn shook his head, as did Justin and Harry, but Cher stood up.

 

"I'm his sister." The nurse smirked at Cher, seeing right through it, but nevertheless took Cher aside to speak with her.

 

"The impact of the car caused a massive trauma to his head, and, while we were able to put the bones in his righ arm and leg, as well as a few ribs, he slipped into a coma about forty-five minutes ago." Cher nodded slowly, processing the information. Niall wasn't dead, but he was in a coma.

 

"Has anyone called Niall's parents?"

 

"No, I thought it was the hospital's responsibility to call the parents."

 

"They weren't in his phone. The only two people in his emergency contacts were Zayn and you." Cher nodded. They both walked slowly back over to the boys.

 

"Now, as for Mr. Tomlinson, it seems his doctor was trying to wane him off of his medication, so it isn't strong enough at the moment to calm him. It's going to take a while for us to receive the proper medication, so for now, we need to know: is there anything, or anyone, that could possibly calm Mr. Tomlinson down enough to think rationally?" Harry and Justin shook their heads, as did Cher, but Zayn got an idea.

 

"I think I might know...I'll be back." Zayn took off outside to his car. He knew where he needed to be.

 

*

 

Cher left a few minutes later to call Niall's parents, and Justin and Harry were left alone. After a long, uncomfortable silence, Justin spoke.

 

"Where do you think Zayn went?"

 

"I don't know." Harry snapped, visibly upset.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Did you two fuck?" Harry asked, turning to face Justin. His eyes were filled with unshed tears, and Justin gaped.

 

"Um, no? I wouldn't do that to you, Harry." This answer caught Harry off guard, and he didn't know exactly how to respond to that.

 

"W-what?"

 

"I wouldn't do that to you." Justin repeated.

 

"N-no, I heard what you said. I just...why? Why wouldn't you sleep with him?"

 

"Because he's in love with you, Harry. And he didn't want to sleep with me, so that's cool." Justin explained.

 

"He's not in love with me. You were there, Justin. I fucked it all up."

 

"Yeah, you did." Justin said. "But that doesn't mean he ever stopped loving you, Harry. You hurt him a lot, but did you honestly think _I_ would take him away from you?" Justin chuckled and punched Harry lightly in the arm.

 

"Have a bit more faith in yourself!" Justin laughed.

 

"Do you think he'll take me back?" Harry asked quietly, still unsure of himself.

 

"I don't honestly know, Harry. He might not be ready just yet. But don't think he stopped loving you. Because he hasn't." Justin replied kindly, and Harry smiled. Justin wasn't so bad.

 

*

 

Zayn pulled up to the curb outside the apartment complex and sighed. He slid out of his car and made his way up the steps to apartment 8C. He knocked on the door and waited. When the door swung open, Zayn froze.

 

"Perrie?" He asked.

 

"Zayn?" Perrie looked every bit as gorgeous as she had when they'd dated. She'd only graduated the year before, but she seemed so much older standing there in the doorway of the apartment with him watching her from the doorstep. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Oh, um, I think I must have the wrong apartment." Zayn said. "I'm looking for Liam Payne, but I don't-"

 

"Li!" Perrie shouted into the apartment. "There's someone here to see you!"

 

Liam appeared behind her and his eyes narrowed to slits at the sight of Zayn. Perrie looked between them.

 

"How do you two know each other?" She asked.

 

"He was a student," Liam explained. Perrie nodded.

 

"Well, Zayn, would you like to come inside?" Perrie asked.

 

"Actually, I really just need to talk to Liam..."

 

Liam grabbed his coat and kissed Perrie on the cheek before stepping onto the doorstep with Zayn, closing the door behind him.

 

"Why is Perrie in your apartment?" Liam looked a bit uncomfortable with the question.

 

"She...She's my fiance." He said hesitantly. Zayn's eyes widened, not sure if Liam was being serious, and then he was cracking up. He couldn't stop laughing because the entire situation was just so damn _fucked up_ that he just couldn't take it.

 

"How do you know Perrie?" Liam asked, clearly not amused that Zayn was laughing at him.

 

"She...and I...we used to...date!" Zayn spat out between fits of laughter. As if the world couldn't get any smaller, his Sociology teacher, whom he'd just gotten fired, was engaged to a girl he used to date, and was sneaking around on her with a guy who Zayn's boyfriend had cheated on him with. Just trying to process that information made his head ache a little.

 

"You and Perrie used to date?" Liam asked, incredulous. "But aren't you gay?"

 

"Yeah!" Zayn sputtered, clutching his sides while he laughed. He finally managed to control himself and he took a deep breath.

 

"God, this is so fucked up!" He said.

 

"What are you doing here, Zayn?"

 

"I needed to ask you something."

 

"And that is?"

 

"Are you in love with Louis?"

 

"What?"

 

"Are you in love-"

 

"No, I mean, I heard you! But why-"

 

"Just answer the question Liam." Zayn said with a sigh. Liam paused for a moment before running his hand through his hair and blowing out a big breath of air.

 

"Yeah, I think I am."

 

"Okay."

 

"Is that all?"

 

"Remember the other day in the hallway, when Louis was having an attack?" Liam nodded. "You stopped it, Liam. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but you did." Liam wasn't sure where this was going.

 

"Louis is in the hospital, Liam. And he's in pretty bad shape and they need someone to come in and calm him down, so I am asking you, begging you, really, to come with me to the hospital to calm him down."

 

"Zayn, I'm not sure..."

 

"Please,"

 

Liam was a bit hesitant, but then he opened the door to the apartment and shouted, "Perrie, I'll be back in a little bit."

 

And then he got into Zayn's car and they left.

 

*

 

"Wait, Niall was in the passenger seat?" Ms. Hoarn asked, confused. Cher was confused, as well. She had thought Niall had been driving.

 

"Yes, ma'am."

 

"Then who was driving?" Cher asked.

 

"Louis Tomlinson." The nurse said. "But I wouldn't bother suing him. He's got the insanity plea locked tight with his psychosis." Ms. Horan looked like the thought of suing Louis hadn't even crossed her mind, but it had crossed Cher's. Why the fuck had Louis been driving Niall's car? Especially if Louis was having an episode. Cher was about to ask if Louis had said anything when Zayn came bursting into the room, Liam Payne hot on his heels.

 

"Zayn, what is he..."Cher trailed off, gesturing to Liam.

 

"He's here to see Louis." The nurse looked like she was about to argue, but Zayn cut her off. "You asked if there was anything that could calm Louis down. He'll do that." The nurse paused before slowly nodding and leading Liam towards Louis' room. Zayn turned to face the four other people in the waiting room.

 

"What is Liam going to do?" Cher asked. Zayn bit his bottom lip and then sighed.

 

"It's kind of a long story. Something that maybe I'll tell you later, but for right now, I can't." He glanced at Justin, and Justin nodded. He wasn't allowed to tell anyone, either.

 

*

 

Louis was sitting on the floor, pouting. He wasn't necessarily proud of the fact, but he wasn't about to change it, either. He wanted to prove a point. That he could take care of himself. But he was scared as hell, because he kept seeing Carter's eyes, dull and lifeless, as they stared up at him. Accusing him of not saving him.

 

"Louis,"

 

Louis doesn't even look up. He's just hearing things, just like he always does. Liam isn't there, never was. And he never will be. Louis suddenly bursts into tears at this and suddenly there are arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. It is then that Louis realizes that Liam _is_ there.

 

"Liam?" He breathes into his neck, inhaling the deep scent of him.

 

"I'm here, babes." Liam whispered in his ear. Louis smiles and leans away just enough so he can connect their lips. He's missed him so much. He hadn't seen him since he walked out of the classroom that day. He hadn't responded to texts or called. He had simply left, and Louis had felt more alone than ever before.

 

"Don't you ever leave me. Ever." Louis demanded, his lips grazing Liam's.

 

"Never." Liam agrees and kissed him again.

 

*

 

Cher is finally allowed into Niall's room, and she is lounging in a chair next to his bed, her legs kicked up onto the covers on top of him. His face is pretty banged up, and most of his right side is in some sort of cast or bandaging, but he still looks peaceful, and Cher can't help staring.

 

He's always been the most beautiful person she's ever seen, but now, he's so broken, and all Cher wants to do is make him wake up and kiss him and tell him how much she's been in love with him since she was about fifteen. Before he told her he was bisexual and that he was in love with Zayn. But it didn't change anything. Because there was still that part that hoped beyond hope that he would love her back.

 

And now, he was in a coma. And there was that slight chance that he wouldn't wake up. So for the time being, Cher would look at him for as long as she wanted, memorizing every single inch of him. She slowly took her feet off the bed and leaned forward, clasping Niall's hand in her own.

 

"I love you, you know." She whispered, kissing his fingertips.

 

That was when Niall flat lined.


	9. Harry & Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every story has its beginning

 

Harry hated Zayn.

 

That was all it ever was, just a massive feeling of hate for the boy. Zayn was too cocky, too self-obsessed, and too...gorgeous. No one that pretty was ever nice, at least, not to Harry, so he automatically hated him. However, Harry was friends with Louis, as was Zayn, so he always seemed to be around.

 

Harry also hated that Zayn had this weird following of people who were in love with him. Perrie was practically one of his limbs, Niall was like a lovesick puppy, and he wasn't positive, but he was pretty sure Louis was in love with him too. And that hurt, because he'd had the biggest crush on Louis for the longest time, but Louis had never shown any interest. So, he hated Zayn even more for stealing Louis.

 

Then, he gets paired with Zayn for Chemistry class and he has to spend more time with the guy. And for the most part, Harry was pretty sure he was right about the guy. He barely said anything, just fluttered his eyelashes at anything with a fucking heartbeat, and they automatically fell for him. Harry sometimes wondered how Perrie dealt with it.

 

Then, Niall threw a party. Louis managed to drag Harry to the party, and they coincidentally got wasted. It was then that Harry noticed Zayn, really _noticed_ Zayn. He was seated on a couch across the room, a drink in his hand, but he looked a little lost. Like he was supposed to be the life of the party, but he really didn't want to be, and Harry found that endearing. Zayn looked up and their eyes locked. A small smile slid onto his lips and he stood and made his way over to Harry, leaning in close. So close that Harry could feel his breath on his cheek, right next to his ear.

 

"Fuck me." He whispered, sending a shiver down Harry's spine. And he didn't think, just did. He stood, grabbed Zayn's wrist and pulled him upstairs to an empty room. As soon as the door was closed, Harry slammed him against it and opened up his mouth with his tongue. Zayn's hands were everywhere: running up his sides, twisting in his curls, grabbing at his arse. He was pushed tightly against him, yet they still weren't close enough. Harry needed more, more, _more._

 

"Harry," Zayn whispered, as if testing to see how it felt to roll off his tongue. The way Zayn said his name sent a tingle down to the base of his spine and straight into his abdomen. He was hard as fuck and his jeans were really starting to hurt. As if sensing this, Zayn pushed him away slightly and smirked, glancing down at Harry's pants.

 

"Let's get those off, shall we?" He said, his nimble fingers already unbuttoning and unzipping them. They slide to Harry's ankles and Zayn palmed at his hard cock through his boxers. Harry's hands pulled Zayn's T-shirt off in one quick move. He stared in awe at Zayn's tattoos, scattered all over. Harry placed small kisses at the one on his collarbone and Zayn let out a groan, shoving Harry towards the bed. The back of his knees hit the bed and Zayn pulled off Harry's shirt before shoving him all the way down. Harry scooted up on the bed as Zayn slipped out of his own trousers before crawling on top of Harry, smiling. He started mouthing at Harry's neck.

 

"F- _fuck_ Zayn!" Harry said, because nothing had ever felt as good as Zayn's body pressed against him, his mouth all over him. Harry paused a moment to send a silent thank you to Niall for throwing this party and to Louis for bringing him before he grabbed Zayn's jaw and reconnected their mouths. Zayn's tongue slid between his lips and explored his mouth while Harry bucked up into Zayn's thigh, trying to find some source of release. He was also making this horrible whining sound.

 

"Shh, I've got you, Harry." Zayn whispered in his ear gently. Harry wondered how Zayn could possibly be real. Zayn moved lower, kissing from his collarbone down to his nipples, licking them each in turn, before kissing down to mouth at his cock. Harry whined again as Zayn pulled his boxers off and wrapped his hand around his length.

 

"God Zayn, s-so good, I just-" Harry realized he was becoming incoherent, but he couldn't care less because Zayn was currently licking up his length and over the slit. 

 

"You're so gorgeous, Harry." Zayn said, smiling gorgeously up at him. "I want you to fuck me." He whispered, slowly crawling back up to kiss Harry again. All Harry could do was nod, because, yes, he'd do whatever the hell Zayn wanted him to do right then. Zayn held up a finger before crawling off Harry to dig through one of the drawers.

 

"Shit," he mumbled, digging through the drawer, "I know he has stuff." Harry vaguely wondered why Zayn would know Niall had lube and/or condoms, but he didn't voice the question. All that mattered was that Zayn wanted him to fuck him, and he was willing to do just that.

 

That thought was weird, because usually Harry was the submissive one, the one taking rather than giving. And he personally saw Zayn as a more dominant one, but maybe he was just too drunk to think clearly. Or maybe he was just lazy. Harry knew first hand from being paired with him that work definitely wasn't high on his priority list. Either way, Zayn finally managed to find condoms and lube and returned quickly to where Harry was lying down. He handed both over to Harry and rolled over him. Harry took a deep breath and squirted some lube onto his hand before slowly sticking a finger into Zayn's hole. He wasn't a master at this, but by the way Zayn groaned and bucked his hips up, he figured he was doing something right. He started kissing at Zayn's neck, sucking a bruise just below his jaw. One finger slowly became two, then three, and finally Zayn was panting and begging for him to just _fuck him already_ , so he removed his fingers and slowly slid inside the tight heat.

 

"Fuck!" Zayn moaned, his face pressed into the pillow, Harry's face in his neck, kissing lightly on the back of his shoulder and neck. One of Zayn's hands was bent backwards, holding on to the back of Harry's neck while Harry fucked into him slowly. Harry's hands were on either side of Zayn, giving him the leverage he needed to hit the right angle. Zayn was making glorious groans that Harry felt he might burst from.

 

"Shi-Zayn, I-I'm gonna come!" Harry said, biting down lightly on his shoulder, Zayn made a small noise in the back of his throat and turned his head enough to nose Harry's face away from his shoulder to connect their lips. As soon as their lips met, Harry came harder than he's ever come before. He saw stars for a moment and his hips took stuttery jerks and then he could feel Zayn coming as well. They laid there for a while more before Harry carefully pulled out and rolled over, still breathing hard. Zayn rolled onto his back and they lay there, not touching, just staring at the ceiling. Then, Zayn reached over and intertwined their fingers with one hand. Neither of them looked at each other, just fell asleep holding hands.

 

When Harry woke up, Zayn was gone, and he was okay with that. No awkward morning after, because now that Harry was alcohol-free, he was realizing that he really shouldn't have slept with him because he still hated the guy and they were still lab partners. Yet, a part of him was glad it had happened, because then he wouldn't have to deal with the what-if's later in life. He would know that things were exactly as they should be.

 

He just hoped that Zayn wouldn't bring it up.

 

The weekend passed uneventfully and soon it was time to get back to campus and to get back to Chemistry, and he was feeling extremely awkward, because he wasn't sure what Zayn was feeling on the subject. Maybe he was just too drunk and didn't remember it. But at that thought, something inside Harry twisted up, because for some reason, that was painful to think about, because if he was being honest, that was the best shag he'd ever had.

 

They were silent during class, no glances were made at each other, and it was almost as if they'd both held their breath for the entire class. But when the bell finally rang, Harry quickly grabbed his things and left. He had made it through the class, and the rest was smooth sailing. Except, not so smooth.

 

He caught up with Louis and they were walking to their next class when he heard his name being called. He turned and there was Zayn Malik in all his glory, running to catch up with him. Louis stopped walking as well and turned just in time to see Zayn step towards Harry and lean up to kiss him. Harry was completely taken aback, since _the_ Zayn Malik was _kissing him_. He gently shoved him away, confused.

 

"What are you doing?" Harry motioned to the fact that they were in _public_ , and Zayn just laughed, back to the cocky self that could get whatever he wanted.

 

"Kissing you, obviously." He said, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Harry would be a liar if he didn't admit he fell for Zayn by those three words alone.

 

"Yeah, I got that...but why?" He asked, suddenly feeling very shy and self conscious. "You've got Perrie-"

 

"Perrie and I broke it off, like, three weeks ago." Zayn said, raising an eyebrow at Harry. "I don't cheat and I don't do one night stands." He said the last part a bit angrily, and Harry guess he deserved that since that was basically what he was accusing Zayn of doing.

 

"I just figured you were drunk-"

 

"And I thought _you_ hated me." Zayn said, the cocky smile back in place.

 

"Um, wait, I think I'm behind on something." Louis said, his face scrunched up in confusion. "Are you two dating?" He asked Zayn.

 

"I don't know. _Are we?_ " He asked Harry. Harry's mouth dropped open because here was _Zayn_ fucking _Malik_ asking if they were together, like he wanted them to be. And Harry felt like he was flying.

 

"I can only think of one way of answering that." Harry said, a shy smile forming on his lips as he leaned over to brush them against Zayn's.

 

After that, Harry became just another obsessed follower of Zayn, completely under his spell. The only difference between him and the others was that Zayn was _his_ and no one else's. But he should have known that things were never that simple. He fell in love with Zayn fast, but he knew that Zayn didn't reciprocate the feeling. Sure, Zayn obviously cared about him because he kept him around, but he didn't  _love_ him. 

 

And it was for that reason that Harry started fucking Louis. Louis was always so far gone on his medication that he didn't really seem to care that he was screwing his best mate's boyfriend...or his best mate who was the boyfriend of his other best mate. Either way, Harry took all his frustration from Zayn and put it into sex with Louis.

 

It was his fault everything went to shit. Because Zayn had loved him, which was plain to see the night he'd broken it off. He had loved him, but Harry had taken that away. It was all gone after that. He had gone from hating Zayn to making Zayn hate him.

 

Now, everything was so different. Justin was where Harry should be, his arm hooked around Zayn's waist like he _belonged_ there, which he didn't. Cher was off doing God knows what. Louis wasn't allowed on campus after his breakdown. Liam, their old Sociology teacher, was obviously involved in something with Zayn, Louis, and Justin. And Niall...well, they just didn't talk about Niall anymore.

 

Three months had passed since his talk with Justin in the hospital. Three months of him waiting for Zayn to come back to him, to kiss him, to tell him that he loved him. But Justin had been wrong. Zayn wasn't going back, and Justin had taken him away.

 

And it was his own fault.

 

*

 

Zayn knew Harry hated him, and he just couldn't accept that. Because he was Zayn Malik, and everyone was supposed to love him.

 

He knew he was cocky; it just came with the territory. People were always watching him, judging him, hanging on every word. And then there was Harry. He wasn't really sure what he'd done to the lad to make him hate him, but it was quite obvious. So, when he'd been partnered up for him for labs and such, he'd figured maybe he could convince Harry otherwise.

 

Too bad he had to get him drunk to do that.

 

And maybe that was the reason why things had gone to shit. Because maybe if they'd started the relationship like normal people, by actually talking and getting to know each other, they'd have done things differently. Zayn wouldn't be sitting with Justin, wishing it was someone else. He wouldn't be mentally screaming because you never know what you have until it's gone.

 

The only thing holding him back was that he couldn't forgive Harry. As hard as he tried, he couldn't do it. Harry was just like his father had been, and he had promised himself he would not become his mother. That wasn't fair to himself. But he also realized he wasn't being fair to Justin by continuing to act like they were something they weren't. They weren't a couple. And they hadn't slept together. That was Zayn's rules for whatever they were.

 

He wondered how things had managed to get this screwed up. Cher was a mess, as was Louis. Liam was a complete and utter tosser who was in love with Louis and Perrie, and Zayn just wanted to smack him upside the head. And Niall...well.

 

"Zayn, you okay?" Justin asked softly, his face concerned. He was a good friend, but nothing more. And he was screwed up, too, although Zayn didn't know what his deal was. Louis knew, but he did not.

 

"Nothing, just....thinking."

 

"About Harry?" Zayn gave him a sharp look. "It's okay, Zayn. Maybe you should...go talk to him."

 

"No."

 

"Zayn, maybe you should. I mean, it _is_ Valentine’s Day.”

 

“I said no, Justin. Harry and I…we’re done.” Zayn said, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Harry. He missed him more than words could express. He had never thought he was actually in love with Harry, but he knew it was true.

 

"Alright," Justin replied gently, "let's get to class." He leaned up and kissed Zayn's cheek before standing up to collect his things. Zayn followed, tugging his bag over his shoulder and they walked together inside. As Zayn passed Harry, their shoulders brushed and they both let out small sighs, like their bodies had been waiting for physical contact from each other for far too long.

 

Zayn didn't know what to make of this, but he knew what Waliyha would say: "It's because you're soulmates, obviously!" Because she believed in that stuff, and she absolutely adored Harry for reasons unbeknown to him. Zayn didn't believe in soulmates, he really didn't.

 

But maybe, just maybe, there was some truth behind the term.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://zaynyboy.tumblr.com/post/38589721710/louistaustin-said-but-louis-what-is-better 
> 
> This is what got me going back to their beginning :)


	10. Cher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is forever changed for Cher.

 

"I don't know what to do anymore."

 

For a second, Cher's not sure if she had actually said the words out loud. The sentence wasn't like anything she's ever uttered aloud, and that scared her. Cher had always prided herself on being in control, being the only one to step up to the plate. But here she was, curled up on the couch in Louis flat, spilling her heart out to him. And maybe it was for the best that it was Louis. If anyone was going to understand, it was him. He would know what it felt like to watch your life spiral out of control with no way of stopping it.

 

He knew what it was like to just want it all to _stop._

 

"Have you gone to see him recently?"

 

She knew who "him" was. She hadn't been able to say his name since it all went to shit.

 

"No," she muttered, pulling the hood of her sweatshirt onto her head and bringing her knees to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on top. She was doing her best not to cry, but a tear escaped anyways. Louis ignored it, and for that Cher was extremely grateful.

 

"Cher, you should go see him.” Louis said softly, eyeing her from his position on the opposite end of the couch. Cher had been staying at his house for almost two weeks. She spoke regularly to her parents, but she was eighteen, so she had no obligations to contact them. And, since Louis wasn’t allowed on campus, she didn’t go back to school either.

 

“I _can’t_ , Louis. It hurts too much.” Louis knew that Cher was in love with…him. She had been since the grade two. He being bisexual hadn’t deterred her at all. The fact that he was in love with Zayn, however, had.

 

“Cher,” Louis’ voice had taken on a warning quality. Serious Louis was always a force to be reckoned with.

 

“What about Liam?” Cher shot back. Louis had told her everything the same night she’d done the same. Louis hadn’t spoken to Liam since he got out of the hospital. He said it wasn’t fair to make Liam choose, so he was doing it for him.

 

“That’s different.” Louis snapped, his eyes glaring over at her.

 

“How exactly? Both of them are in love with someone else.” Cher said in a matter-of-fact voice.

 

“The difference is that Liam is fucking _engaged_ , whilst Niall is completely available. It’s not like he honestly has a chance with Zayn.” Louis said with a mean laugh.

 

“Well, he thought he did. And that was your fault.” Cher shot back. Louis’ gaze dropped to the floor. He hated being reminded about what he’d done. He’d hurt both of his best friends by making a stupid decision. Although, Harry was just as much to blame as he was.

 

“I’m sorry, Lou.” Cher said with a defeated sigh. “That wasn’t fair.”

 

“I miss him.” Louis whispered, curling into a small ball in the corner of the couch. Cher slowly crawled over to him and wrapped him in her arms.

 

“We’re both pretty fucked up, aren’t we, Lou?” Cher asked. Louis let out a humorless laugh.

 

“Yeah, we really are.” He agreed.

 

“Why can’t we just be in love with each other?” Cher asked, leaning away to look at Louis. “Things would be so much easier.”

 

“Life isn’t easy.” Louis said with a shrug. “I’m going to make some tea.”

 

Cher watched him scoot off the couch and pad into the kitchen. She sighed and stared out the window. She hated being left alone, even if Louis was only in the kitchen. It was such an easy time for her to remember everything she wanted to forget.

 

_“He flat lined again last night. That’s the second time this month.” Mrs. Horan said, swallowing loudly and collapsing into the nearest chair._

_“That’s the third time.” Cher said, pulling up her own chair and staring over at the blond boy lying, lifeless, on the hospital bed._

_"I know.” Mrs. Horan said mournfully. “I’m just- so afraid that one of these times- they won’t be able to-” she broke off with a sob. Cher bit her bottom lip and tried to keep her own tears from slipping out. Her hand absently slid to her stomach. She hadn’t told anyone. She had no one to tell. Niall was practically…dead. She had no one left that would understand._

“Cher,” Louis’ voice brought her out of her trance and she looked up. He offered her a mug full of hot tea which she accepted gratefully. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

She shook her head. She had told Louis everything except for that. _That_ she hadn’t told anyone. If she told someone, that would make it real. That would make what she _did_ real.

 

She excused herself an hour later to go lay down. She had been so exhausted lately with her mind running on overdrive. She wondered if this was how Louis felt all the time. Or at least, when he wasn’t on his medication.

 

Louis had been kind enough to share his bed with Cher. Most nights they cuddled up together in the dark and pretended that, just for a little while, the world couldn’t hurt them. As her eyes closed, she slipped back into the dark place.

 

_“Are you sure, sweetie?” The doctor was a small, older woman with white blond hair and wrinkles. She had smiled sadly at Cher, pitying her. She was trying to talk her out of this. That much was obvious. But there was no way she would accomplish that goal. Cher’s mind was set._

_Yes, I’m sure.” She responded._

_“Okay, honey.”_

_Afterwards, Cher felt stiff and numb, but she was alive. That was all that mattered. The last evidence of what had happened to her almost two months before was gone. She shouldn’t have felt relieved, but she did._

_If Niall had been awake, he wouldn’t have let her do it._

_And when Cher said this aloud to herself, she realized that she had just made the greatest mistake of her life. She had just…_

_That was the last time she had ever spoken or even thought Niall’s name._

Cher awoke with a start and felt Louis’ arms curl tighter around her. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was two in the morning. She knew it was time.

 

She slid out from Louis’ arms and into the hallway. She grabbed the sweatshirt she had been wearing ealier and pulled it on. She was wearing black shorts, and she thought about changing since it was February. But then she thought maybe the cold would help her stay awake. Pulling on her black Converse, she stepped out of the flat and made her way to the bus station.

 

She paid the fee and sat in the middle section. There were only a handful of other people on the bus, but she kept her eyes firmly trained out the window. She could feel the stare of some older gentleman. She could practically feel his eyes roaming up her bare thighs and she pushed away the urge to get up and beat the shit out of him.

 

The bus stopped a few blocks away from her destination, and she slowly began her journey on the sidewalks of downtown London. She managed to make it to the hospital entrance. She took a deep breath before pushing all the way inside. The first person she saw was Angela Marx. The girl who had called Zayn when Niall had first been admitted.

 

“Cher,” she said, surprised. It was an expected reaction, since Cher had just stopped coming one day.

 

“Is he still in room five?” Angela nodded thoughtfully and Cher made her way down the hallway. She pushed into his hospital room. He looked the same as from the month and a half Cher had spent away. She pulled a chair up to the side of his bed.

 

“Niall,” she whispered. It was the first she’d spoken his name in a long time. “Niall, I really need to tell you something.”

 

That was when she finally allowed herself to cry. She told him everything. About how those bastards that had raped her had gotten her pregnant. She told him about how she had gotten an abortion, but how she wished she could take it back. She told him about how Louis and Liam had had an affair, and how Liam was getting married to Perrie, that girl Zayn used to date.

 

She told him about how Zayn and Harry hadn’t spoken since Niall had been admitted into the hospital, and how Zayn was with Justin, even though they didn’t really do anything together.

 

She told him about how she’d been in love with him almost her entire life, and how she wanted him so badly to realize that they were meant to be together because _couldn’t he feel it?_

 

Then, she stood, kissed his forehead, and walked out. She walked back down the sidewalks, slid an envelope into the mail slot, and got back on the bus. She got off and walked back to Louis’ flat. It was now five in the morning.

 

She turned the shower on hot and took off her clothes. She dug around in the bathroom cabinet for what she was looking for before stepping in. She sat down as the hot water fell on top of her. She sat there a moment, just taking it in. She had finally told someone, and she felt…. _free._ Like the bird she had never been.

 

Then, she took the razor blade and slid it across her wrist. She watched the blood spill down over her fingertips before squeezing her eyes closed.

 

 

It was done. She was finished.

 

 

 

 

 

 ***

 

Across town, a nurse stepped into Niall’s room to change the IV drip. She unhooked the drip, replaced it with another, and then went about the room making sure it was tidy and clean.

 

It was in that moment that Niall’s eyes fluttered open and he gasped for air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Curl Up and Die" by Relient K  
> &  
> "Hello Mr. Sun" by Joe Brooks


	11. Niall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall wasn’t about to question fate.

 

Cher’s funeral was held two weeks after Niall woke up. He dressed in a nice suit and tie. His mum bought him new dress shoes because he had somehow managed to outgrow his old ones while he was in the coma. He stood in the frigid February air and listened to the pastor talk about her. He watched as her casket was lowered into the ground. He released a handful of dirt on top before it was completely covered. Before she was completely gone.

 

Afterwards, he didn’t speak to anyone. He just ducked his head and walked away. Away from her, away from her family, away from his friends, away from it all. He did not cry, and he did not show emotion. Because if he had shown emotion, everyone would know just how _angry_ he was.

 

He couldn’t get over how selfish she had been. He felt as if he hadn’t known her at all. He wondered if it was somehow his fault. If he hadn’t gotten in the car with Louis, things would be better. He could have been there for her. He could have… _stopped it._

 

As for Louis, Niall hadn’t spoken to him since he’d woken up. Everyone else had visited. Zayn, Harry, Justin, and a few of his other friends, like Leigh-Ann and Jade. Even Neil had shown up for a little while. But Louis had never shown up. And Niall was perfectly okay with that.

 

He blamed Louis.

 

But he blamed himself more.

 

As he walked away from the cemetery, he debated where to go. He was really in need of some coffee, but he knew the diner where he would usually go was where to others would go, and he didn’t want to interact with anyone.

 

So, he just kept walking. He wasn’t sure where he was going, he just went. He walked through downtown London in just his suit, even though it was freezing outside. He didn’t stop walking until he found himself in a part of the city that he’d never been before. He looked around and saw a pub, a charity shop, and some older looking buildings. He pushed into the pub and sat down at the bar area.

 

“What can I get you?” Said an older, African lad behind the bar.

 

“Beer. And just keep it coming.” Niall muttered, staring down at the counter top. The bartender slid a bottle in front of him and Niall nodded at him before popping the top off and taking a swig.

 

“Rough day?” He asked.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Niall snapped, anger coursing through his veins as he thought once again about what Cher had done.

 

“You never know, it might help.” The man replied calmly, leaning against the bar a few spaces down.

 

“Or not.” Niall countered.

 

“If I guess, will you tell me if I’m right?” Niall shrugged. “Well, let me see. Nice suit, mostly black, so I’ll assume…funeral?” Niall shrugged again, taking another pull of his beer.

 

“Okay, funeral. You cared for this person a lot, from the looks of it.” He paused, eyeing Niall’s clenched jaw. “Maybe even loved them?”

 

Niall stared hard at the wall in front of him.

 

“Or maybe, you were _in_ love with them?”

 

Niall slammed the beer down on the counter as he felt the tears prick at his eyes.

 

“You know, I’ve worked here a long time, and I can tell when someone needs a hand in life. And you, my friend, clearly need someone.” Niall felt a tear slide down his cheek and he hastily wiped it away. “You shouldn’t bottle things up, lad.” He moved to stand in front of Niall and held out his hand. “Samuel. Samuel Madaki.”

 

Niall gently lifted his hand and shook Samuel’s.

 

“Niall,” was all he said.

 

“Okay, Niall. Why don’t you tell me about it.”

 

“It was…It was my best friend. Cher,” Niall started with a shaky breath. He told Samuel, a man he’d known less than fifteen minutes, about how he’d been in a coma for a few months because of Louis. He told him about how Cher had been raped a month before, but she’d seemed fine. He told him about his eating problem, and how Cher had been trying to help him. He told Samuel about how Cher had killed herself and that if he had been awake, maybe he could have saved her. He spoke about how he hadn’t spoken to Louis and how he had thought he was in love with Zayn, but how now he thought he might have been in love with Cher, but he hadn’t seen it until she was gone.

 

Afterwards, Samuel smiled sadly, and took the empty beer bottle away. Niall left without paying, because Samuel told him to. He didn’t feel any better.

 

He walked back into the city and stared at the diner. They were inside, he knew it. But he couldn’t face them, not yet. As he was staring, Zayn stepped out of the diner and lit a fag. His eyes flicked up and met Niall’s. They stared at each other for a moment before Niall turned and walked away.

 

The next few days were spent in his bedroom, listening to the songs he and Cher had recorded. They were very good together, he noted sadly. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend that she wasn’t dead, that she was lying there next to him, listening along.

 

But then he would open his eyes and she wouldn’t be there, and that hurt more than anything. He got angry a lot. He threw things around the room, punched the wall, screamed, cried, and vomited until there was nothing left.

 

On the fourth day, Zayn came to his house. He didn’t say anything, just sat on the bed with Niall as they listened to the songs. At one point, Niall burst into tears and Zayn held him. A few months ago, Niall might have been thrilled to have Zayn wrapped around him, but he was no longer in love with the boy. He was in love with a girl he’d never see again. He cried harder.

 

After a while, Niall fell asleep. And for once, his dreams weren’t plagued by Cher. He was finally able to rest in peace.

 

“Niall,” he woke up to Zayn whispering lightly in his ear. “Niall.”

 

“What is it?” He asked groggily.

 

“I’m going to go, okay?” Niall nodded sleepily and felt Zayn’s weight leave the bed. He was alone again. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. He crawled out of bed, pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, and left the house. He walked without a set destination in mind for a long while before he knew where he needed to go. He turned down a few streets and made his way to the flat he’d spent many hours in before. He lightly knocked on the door and waited.

 

“Niall,” he said once he’d opened the door.

 

“Louis,” Niall replied, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. Louis looked tired. He had dark circles under his eyes, his clothes were dirty, and his hair was greasy looking, like he hadn’t taken a shower in a long time.

 

“When was the last time you took a shower, mate?” Niall asked, pushing into the flat and walking towards the living room.

 

“When they carried Cher’s body out of my bathroom.” Came Louis’ lifeless voice. Niall stopped in his tracks, turning and staring coldly at Louis.

 

“She- she was _here_?” Niall breathed. Louis nodded tiredly.

 

“Yeah, she killed herself in my shower.”

 

“You fucking- _you bloody fucking arsehole!_ ” Niall screamed, launching himself at Louis and hitting everywhere he could reach. “You _ruined my life_! Then, you ruined Cher’s life! What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you?” Niall continued to swing punches at Louis, trying to release some of the steadily growing anger. Louis didn’t fight back.

 

“She was my _best friend_ , Louis! My best friend! And you fucking- you took her away!” Niall knew that it wasn’t Louis’ fault. Louis didn’t _make_ Cher slash her wrists. Louis didn’t _force_ Cher to take her own life. But he wanted to blame Louis. Because maybe, if he could just blame Louis, that would make it hurt less. And Louis was letting him.

 

Suddenly, Niall wasn’t angry anymore. He was just tired. The anger turned to tears and he slumped against Louis’ form. Louis grabbed him before he fell and carried him to the couch, laying him down gently before cuddling into him.

 

“Shh, Nialler. It’s okay. Everything is going to be _okay._ ” Louis whispered, kissing his forehead and temple, his cheeks and his wrists.

 

“No, it’s not, Louis.” Niall sobbed. “It’s not going to be okay because she won’t come _back._ No matter how hard I wish it, she never comes back.” Louis whimpered and kissed Niall’s neck, wrapping his arms around Niall’s waist.

 

“I know it hurts, Niall. I know.” Louis whispered, thinking of Carter. “But you gotta be strong, okay? Be strong for Cher. Be strong for me. Be strong for _you._ ”

 

“I don’t know if I can, Lou.” Niall whispered into the silent flat.

 

“I know you can, Nialler. I _know_ you can.” Louis kissed him once on the lips before getting off the couch. Niall heard him banging around in the kitchen, and he knew he was making some tea. But Niall knew where he needed to go next.

 

“Where are you going?” Louis asked, watching Niall open the front door.

 

“You know where I’m going, Louis.” Niall replied before stepping back outside. He made his way to the bus station where he paid and rode it all the way across town. When he stepped off, he nodded politely to the woman who was driving.

 

Niall opened the creaky gate to the cemetery and stepped inside. He slowly moved up the rows until he stopped in front of the headstone he was looking for. Cher Lloyd was engraved in a pretty font, and Niall ran his fingertips across it. He sat down in front of it and pictured her sitting in front of him.

 

“I’m really angry with you, Cher.”

 

“ _I know, love.”_ Niall could hear her voice. It swirled around him in a beautiful melody. An extremely sweet and lovely melody.

 

“I really miss you.”

 

“ _I miss you, too. I’m so sorry.”_

“Why’d you do it?”

 

“ _I’m sorry,”_ she repeated, smiling at him. Niall wished he could get up and walk away, but he can’t.

 

“Louis’ a mess, you know. He won’t use his bathroom anymore. He smells like shit.” Niall said with a laugh. It felt good to laugh. It had been a really long time. He can hear Cher laughing, too.

 

_“I’ve missed your laugh.”_ Niall stopped laughing.

 

“I’ll miss yours.”

 

“ _Don’t get all sentimental on me, now, Nialler. You know how I hate that stuff.”_ Niall chuckled again.

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“Niall.” The voice startled him, and he jumped and turned around. At first he thought it might be Louis, but instead, Justin stepped into view.

 

“Justin? What are you doing here?” Niall questioned, glancing at Cher’s grave. She and her voice were gone.

 

“Cher…looked out for me once and I couldn’t really sleep so I decided to come and talk to her.”

 

“Why don’t you talk to Zayn?” Niall couldn’t help but sneer. So, maybe he wasn’t completely over Zayn.

 

“Zayn is...” Justin chuckled slightly. “Zayn is still in love with Harry. So, I think it’s about time I leave that alone.”

 

“Do you love him?” Niall asked, eyeing Justin hard.

 

“No, Niall. Do _you?_ ” Justin asked, although, Niall figured he already knew the answer.

 

“I thought I was.” Niall answered. “But I think I might have been in love with Cher.”

 

“Okay,” Justin said simply, stepping closer to Niall to look at Cher’s grave. “She was really beautiful. I can see the appeal.”

 

“Yeah,” Niall said fondly. “I’m going to miss her a lot.” Without warning, Justin reached over and intertwined their fingers, giving Niall’s hand a gentle squeeze.

 

“Maybe,” he started. “We could help each other out.”

 

“Yeah,” Niall said, turning to look at Justin. _Really_ look at him, for the first time since he’d moved to London. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

Justin nodded and they stood their in silence for a little while longer, holding hands. It was an unlikely pair, but Niall wasn’t about to question it. He had missed his chance with Cher, and he never had a chance with Zayn. But there, with Justin’s hand wrapped securely around his, he thought maybe he was being given one more chance.

 

And he wasn’t about to question fate.

 


	12. Liam & Perrie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you ever looked at someone and known, in your gut, that they were the One?” She asked.
> 
> “Yes,” he whispered.

 

Liam was miserable, to say the least. He was marrying a woman he had thought he was in love with, but now he wasn’t so sure. And Louis, the boy he _did_ love, had been the one to make that choice for him.

 

But he knew that Louis had made the wrong choice.

 

“Liam,” Perrie’s voice drew Liam out of his thoughts and he focused his attention back on her. She was reading the morning paper at the table in his flat, her eyes wide at whatever story she was reading.

 

“Yeah, what is it?”

 

“’Cher Lloyd died at age eighteen on February sixteenth. She was found dead in the flat of Louis Tomlinson, a friend, after she had taken her own life. Her funeral was held last Saturday. Among attendance was Niall Horan, a friend of Cher’s who was in a car accident with Tomlinson four months earlier and whom had been in a coma until the night of Cher’s unfortunate death. Louis Tomlinson was not available for comment.’”

 

Perrie looked up at Liam. He was frozen in his seat. This would be the second time Louis had lost a friend. And he hadn’t said a word.

 

“I can’t believe this! I mean, I was friends with them and I had to find out through a fucking news paper almost three weeks later?” Perrie’s outraged expression turned sad suddenly. “And Louis, oh my god, he’s been through so much. You know he has psychosis, right?”

 

“Erm, no, I, um, didn’t know that.” Liam said, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

 

“You taught them, right? I mean, before you quit?” Perrie asked, and Liam felt the guilt course through his veins. He hated lying to Perrie about what had happened with the school. He had just been lucky that the school hadn’t written an official report if he left right away. That had made it easier for him to get another job at a college in the next town over.

 

“Yeah, I think.”

 

“Oh, by the way, what did Zayn want that night he came over? I completely forgot about that until now! Wow, I must be losing it.” Perrie said with a little laugh. Liam didn’t join in.

 

“Oh, well, I helped him out with some problem he got himself into a while back, and he just wanted to ask my advice on something else.” Liam replied slowly.

 

“But why did you leave with him?”

 

“It was…it’s not really for me to say, Perrie.” Liam said. He wasn’t a good liar, and he knew that Perrie wanted to believe him so bad, but she just didn’t.

 

“Oh,” she replied, biting her bottom lip, her eyes searching for some truth. A truth Liam couldn’t bear to tell her. “Well, as long as you got it all sorted. You know I dated him once, right?”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“But he’s got Hazza now, and I’m happy he’s happy.”

 

“He isn’t dating Harry anymore.” Liam said without thinking, because teachers shouldn’t know who they’re students are or aren’t dating months after they’ve “quit” they’re job.

 

“Oh?” Perrie looked sad for another moment. “That’s too bad. They’re perfect for each other.” Perrie said, pushing away from the table. “Unlike us,” she muttered and Liam froze again.

 

“What?”

 

“Liam, come on. You can’t honestly sit there and tell me that everything is alright. For the past few months you’ve been anything but excited that we’re getting _married_. And don’t even think I didn’t notice that before _that,_ you were barely around.”

 

“Per- I- I’m not sure what you want me to-“

 

“I want you to be _honest_ , Liam!” Perrie shouted, and Liam could see that there were tears in her eyes, but they weren’t falling. Not then, anyways. “Do you even still want to marry me?”

 

“You’re seriously asking me that right now? The rehearsal dinner is _tomorrow_! And the wedding the day after that!”

 

“You didn’t answer the question, Liam.” Perrie said quietly before walking out of the room. Liam bit his bottom lip and pulled at his hair. He wanted to blame Louis for doing this, for making everything so complicated, but he knew he had no one to blame but himself. Sighing, he reached for the paper and read through the article. Poor Louis. Why did it have to be _him_ to find Cher? Liam had to see him. To make sure he was alright. He got up from the table and pulled on his coat and was about to step out the door when Perrie’s voice stopped him.

 

“Where are you going?” It was more of an accusation than a question.

 

“I need some time, Perrie. Please, just give me that.” He said, giving her a pleading glance before stepping outside and making his way over to his car. He pulled away from the curb and drove in the direction of Louis’. Once he was parked, he got out and made his way to the front door. He knocked and then waited. He could hear a small thud from inside and then footsteps making their way towards the door. It opened and there was Louis. He looked like he’d just gotten out of the shower, his hair all wet, and he was wearing a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt.

 

“Liam,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

 

“Hey Louis.” Liam replied, offering him a small smile.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I just wanted to see if you were okay.” Liam said honestly, looking over him. He had dark circles under his eyes, but other than that he seemed alright.

 

“I’m fine, Liam.” Louis sighed exasperatedly. “I’m assuming you read the paper this morning.”

 

“Why did I have to read it in the paper, Lou? Why didn’t _you_ tell me?” Liam pleaded, feeling a bit of anger.

 

“Because we’re not a couple, Liam.” Louis snapped. “We never will be. You’re getting _married_ , for Christ’s sake!”

 

“Please, Lou can I just-“

 

“Can you just what?” Louis cut in, glaring.

 

“Can I just kiss you?” Liam begged. Louis’ eyes conveyed his anxiety. Liam wasn’t sure why he was so desperate to be close to him again, to hug him, and kiss him, and tell him that he loved him. Louis’ head nodded ever so slightly and that was all Liam needed. His hands grabbed affectionately at the sides of his face and pulled their lips together. Louis’ hands wrapped around Liam’s waist and tugged him closer, pulling him inside the flat. Liam kicked the door shut and let Louis drag him further into the flat.

 

*

 

Contrary to what people might think, Perrie was not stupid.

 

That’s why when Liam left, Perrie waited ten seconds before leaving the flat and following him. She wasn’t sure where he was going, but she was certain wherever it was, was the answer to her question. She pulled to the curb when she saw Liam doing the same and she watched him get out of the car. She had no clue whose flat it was that he was knocking on, but she knew that this was not the answer she wanted.

 

Then, the door opened and Perrie’s eyebrows rose. Why the fuck was Liam visiting Louis Tomlinson? Hadn’t he just been telling her that he barely knew Louis? She was confused until suddenly Liam grabbed Louis’ face and they were snogging in broad daylight. Perrie felt only rage as she watched Louis tug him inside and close the door.

 

Louis had been her friend, and he was snogging Liam. Her mind could barely process what was happening. She couldn’t help but feel disgusted. Had Liam just been using her as a beard? She pulled away from the curb and went for a drive around London to clear her head. She was gone for several hours and when she got back to Liam’s flat, he wasn’t there. She drove to her own flat and went to bed.

 

The next day was spent in the company of her parents and several other relatives. Perrie struggled to concentrate because she knew she needed to do something. She wasn’t going to be the girl who pretended everything was going to be okay and sit around and wait for Liam to love her. She was too good for that.

 

She was sitting in the living room of her parents’ house when it hit her. Zayn. He’d come over and talked to Liam…about Louis. That’s what Liam had been lying about. Perrie excused herself from the circle of talking relatives and went upstairs to her old bedroom. She pulled out her mobile and found “Z” on her contacts list. It picked up on the third ring.

 

“Perrie?” Zayn’s voice was calm, collected. He knew why she was calling.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, her tone matching the calmness of his.

 

“I expected him to make the right decision. Which I’m guessing he did, since you know now.”

 

“Actually, I followed him and saw him snogging Louis.” Perrie snapped. Zayn sighed sadly.

 

“I’m so sorry, Pezza.”

 

“ _Why didn’t you tell me?_ ” Perrie spat through gritted teeth. He had promised to be there for her, whenever she needed. And she had _needed_ him to tell her what Liam was doing. She could remember that conversation clearly.

 

_“You’re breaking up with me?” Perrie had asked incredulously._

_“It’s not like that, Perrie.” Zayn had said, staring out the window._

_“It’s Harry, isn’t it?” She asked. She’d seen the way Zayn had been looking at him, and how Harry had just ignored him. “He hates you, Zayn. You know that.”_

_“I know,” Zayn responded quietly, turning back to kiss her on the cheek. “I love you, Pezza. You know that, right?” Perrie nodded, waving him away._

_“Yeah, I know. Just be sure to tell Styles if he does anything to hurt you, I’ll kill him.” She said with a small smile._

_“And know that I’ll always be there whenever you need me, Pezza. I swear.” Zayn had replied. Perrie had then held up her pinky and Zayn had hooked his own around it with a laugh. They both knew it was childish, but that’s what their relationship was._

“Because I know how it feels, Pez. It hurts. And I was hoping Liam’s thing with Louis wasn’t as big as it seemed.”

 

“Just because your dad cheated on your mum, Zayn, doesn’t mean-“

 

“I wasn’t talking about my parents.” Zayn said flatly.

 

“Wait,” Perrie said, her heart sinking. “Hazza?”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn said, letting out a humorless chuckle, “with Louis.” And at that, Perrie just started laughing, because it was just like the universe to throw both of them into the same boat. It seemed fitting that they’d both been left for Louis. Zayn was laughing with her and if felt so good to just smile for a little while.

 

“So, what are you going to do, sweetheart?” Zayn asked once they’d calmed down. Perrie wiped away a tear that had fallen while she was laughing and took a deep breath.

 

“Well, I can’t very well marry him, can I?”

 

“So you’re just going to break it off?”

 

“Oh, I’m going to do a lot more than just break it off.”

 

“Perrie,” Zayn’s voice held a warning.

 

“My life, yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn replied sadly. “Good luck.”

 

Perrie hung up at the same time her mum called upstairs for her to start getting ready. She grabbed her dress off the bed and walked into the bathroom. The dress was short and elegant. It was strapless, and a dark purple with black lace over top. She zipped it up and redid her makeup, did up her hair, and composed herself before she walked downstairs to be greeted by Liam. They were both still tense after their fight yesterday, but Perrie wasn’t going to let that bother her. They made their way to the church where the wedding would be held and after two and a half hours of going over every last detail, they were whisked off for the dinner.

 

They were seated in front of the rest of the guests, totaling at about three hundred. The dinner was delicious, a nice casserole that Liam’s mum had spent all day preparing. Then, it was time for the speeches. Liam’s mum made one, as did Perrie’s mum and dad. Tom Parker, Liam’s best man, gave a speech, and so did Leigh-Ann, her maid of honor.

 

Then, it was Liam’s turn.

 

“Perrie, it’s been a long ride, and I love you.” Was how he started. “We haven’t known each other very long, but I want to spend every day from now until the end with you. You’re gorgeous, and I just absolutely adore you. I’m so happy you’re going to be my wife.” Liam sat and there were applause and Perrie smiled graciously at him. She then tipped her glass of champagne back and stood up confidentially before beginning her own speech.

 

“Oh, Liam, where do I even start? I loved you the moment I set eyes on you, and when you asked me to marry you, I thought I was going to die of happiness.” She steadied herself and looked at guests before looking back at Liam. “So I just can’t figure out why you’re cheating on me with Louis Tomlinson.”

 

Liam’s smile dropped at the same time everyone in the dining hall gasped. Perrie continued to smile at Liam, although, it was more of a smirk.

 

“Because, I mean, I gave you fucking everything, Liam. And you just threw it away.” She pulled the ring off her finger and set it gently on the table in front of Liam. She kissed his forehead before spinning on her heel and walking out. Moving on.

 

Later that night after all the relatives had left, after Liam’s father had stopped yelling at him, after Liam had explained that it had just _happened_ , after his mum assured him that it was _okay to be gay_ , and after Perrie’s mum had stopped asking her if she was alright, Perrie found Liam sitting on the cold steps leading up to the front of the church. Perrie sat down next to him, a bottle of champagne in her hand, and rested her head against his shoulder.

 

“I’m so sorry, Perrie.” Liam said and Perrie just shook her head.

 

“Don’t be, Liam.” Perrie lifted her head and looked at him. “Have you ever looked at someone and known, in your gut, that they were the One?” She asked. Liam looked over at her with sad eyes. She knew he was answering her without speaking.

 

“Yes,” he whispered.

 

“That’s not how it was for us, Liam. And I’m okay with that. Just, tell me. Is that how it was for you and Louis?”

 

“Yes,” Liam whispered again, a tear slipping down his cheek. Perrie wiped it away with her thumb before leaning over and kissing him. They sat there for a long while, just staring at the stars and breathing and drinking and just enjoying each others company.

 

“You’ll find yours someday, Perrie. I promise.” Liam said, kissing the top of her head.

 

“I know.” She replied. She stood and helped Liam to his feet. “But right now, you should go to yours.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tenderly before letting go, leaving a small object in her palm. The ring.

 

“Liam-“

 

“Just take it, Perrie. It’s yours.”

 

She watched him drive away before going back into the church. The show was over.

 


	13. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis is tired of being a second option. He's also not sure what to do about crying girls, or the fact that Zayn's friend list is severely lacking these days.

 

Louis was sitting on the second step leading to the front door of his flat. He had a fag dangling from his lips and he was staring to his right at the part of downtown London he could see. Liam was somewhere out there having his rehearsal dinner with Perrie and he was stuck in his miserable life. He had let Liam back in the day before because he’d thought Liam was picking him, _finally._

 

But no, Liam kissed him goodbye and walked away and was getting married to Perrie in the morning. Louis took a pull of his fag and puffed out a perfect smoke ring. What was wrong with him? He was the boy everyone went to as a second choice. Harry, Cher, Liam, the list just went on. He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped when someone called out to him.

 

“Louis!”

 

He turned and there was Liam, dressed in a nice suit, his white shirt unbuttoned at the top, his tie hanging loose around his shoulders, and his hair a bit wild, the way it got when he ran his hands through it several times.

 

“Liam?” Louis asked in disbelief. “Shouldn’t you be with Perrie?” He couldn’t help but spit. He loved Liam so much, and if he left again, Louis knew he’d be done.

 

“She found out, Lou.” Liam said, stepping towards him. Louis looked up at him from the second step. He was smiling.

 

“So you’re not actually picking me? Perrie just dumped your arse?” Louis asked sarcastically. He was so sick of being a second option.

 

“No,” Liam replied, sitting down next to Louis. Louis stared at him in confusion. “We talked and I told her that I just wasn’t in love with her. I’m in love with someone else.” Liam looked Louis in the eye and smiled. Louis almost wasn’t sure he’d heard him right. Liam Payne was picking him? Liam _fucking_ Payne was _choosing him._

 

“Liam,” Louis whispered. Liam’s fingers brushed across Louis’ cheek and his forehead, brushing away some stray pieces of hair that were falling into his eyes. “If we do this, you have to swear that this is it. I will _not_ be a second option.”

 

Liam threw his head back and laughed, but it wasn’t a mean sort of laugh. It was fond and filled with love and light and a hope that Louis was beginning to feel himself.

 

“Oh, Louis.” Liam said, leaning over and kissing him gently once, twice, then three times. “You were never a second option. Not to me.”

 

*

 

“You can _not_ be serious!” Louis said, his mouth hanging open in horror.

 

“What?!” Liam asked, slightly offended. It was their first weekend together, and they were cuddled together on the couch where Liam was trying to change the channel to Top Gun and Louis was not having any of that.

 

“You have to absolute worst taste!”

 

“Hey! I chose you, didn’t I?” Liam asked incredulously.

 

“So you’ve made one right decision in your entire life!” Louis grabbed the remote from him and flipped to some Kardashian show.

 

“You are seriously going to pick on _my_ taste when you want to watch the _Kardashians_?” Liam let out a laugh and Louis poked at his side until he stopped. Louis was about to retort with a sarcastic remark when there was a pounding at his door. Liam looked curiously at Louis before Louis slid off the couch and opened it.

 

Before him stood Waliyha, Zayn’s little sister. She was soaked to the skin since it had started raining a few hours earlier. Her makeup was a smudged mess, and her clothes were messed up. She was crying and Louis immediately wrapped her in a hug, despite her being drenched.

 

“Shh, what happened?” Louis asked, pulling her inside. He wasn’t sure why she had come to _him_ of all people, since he wasn’t very close to the Malik family these days.

 

Waliyha couldn’t say much since she was crying so hard. Liam slowly entered the kitchen where Louis had gotten her to sit down and he was looking anxiously between the two.

 

“Waliyha, what happened?” Louis asked more firmly. Waliyha wiped away a few tears and hiccupped before stuttering out an explanation.

 

“I- I was in the p-park,” she swallowed visibly, “and th- this guy came out of n-nowhere! He grabbed me and- and-“ she broke into sobs again before whispering, “r-raped me.”

 

Louis immediately grabbed for his cell phone, and scrolled to the bottom of his contacts list to a name that he hadn’t called in a long time. Zayn picked up on the third ring.

 

“Now isn’t a good time, Lou.” Zayn cut in before Louis could speak.

 

“Zayn, I-“

 

“Louis! I said now wasn’t a good time-“

 

“Zayn, Waliyha is at my flat.” Louis snapped. There was a pause on the other end of the line.

 

“Why?” Zayn asked hesitantly.

 

“She’s been raped, Zayn.”

 

“I’m on my way.”

 

Louis hung up the phone at the same time he saw Liam on his own cell phone, his free hand holding tightly to Waliyha’s shaking one. Liam rattled off the address of Louis’ flat before hanging up.

 

“What was that?” Louis asked as he stepped back into the kitchen.

 

“I called the police.” Before Louis could say anything, he held up his hand. “She gave me permission.”

 

“Did you call Zayn?” Waliyha asked quietly, turning to look at Louis with giant brown eyes, the same color as Zayn’s.

 

“Yeah, he’s on his way over.” Louis replied. He sat down with Waliyha until there was a knock at the door. It was Zayn.

 

“Where is she?” Zayn asked as he pushed past Louis into the flat. He found Waliyha sitting at the kitchen counter, sipping at a bottle of water Liam had given her to soothe the shaking that had been wracking her body. Louis was glad he had, since he hadn’t known what to do with the shaking. She set it down as soon as Zayn walked in and threw herself at him, breaking into tears again. Zayn held her tightly and whispered things in Arabic to her that Louis wouldn’t understand in a million years.

 

Finally, the cops showed up and Waliyha was calmed down enough to tell them what happened. Zayn sat next to her and held her hand the entire time, his jaw clenched, and the hand not being held by his sister clenched into a fist.

 

“When he finally ran away, I was closest to Louis’ flat, so I just banged on the door and prayed he was home.” Waliyha finished, taking in a shaky breath. Zayn gave her hand a squeeze. Zayn’s mum had shown up as well and she took Waliyha home after agreeing to bring her daughter to the police station later in the week to look at some pictures of potential rapists.

 

“I see things worked out, then.” Zayn said quietly to Louis after everyone had left, leaving Louis, Zayn, and Liam in the flat alone. Liam had gone to make some tea while Louis and Zayn sat in the living area.

 

“With what? Me and Liam?”

 

“Liam and I, Louis.” Zayn said mockingly.

 

“Hey, I only have room for one teacher in my life, thank you very much.” Louis said, elbowing him lightly in the stomach. “I’m really sorry about Waliyha.”

 

“Don’t be. It’s not like you’re the one who raped her. I just hope they’re able to find the fucker.” Zayn said darkly. He then stood and shrugged back into his leather jacket. Louis walked him to the door but stopped him before he could leave.

 

“How’re things, you know, with Haz?” He asked hesitantly. Zayn shrugged, looking out at the street rather than Louis.

 

“What he did was fucked up, Louis.”

 

“It was partly my fault, though, too. And yet, you gave me a second chance.”

 

“You’re mental, Louis.” Zayn said with a smirk. “There’s a difference.”

 

“I think you should give him another shot.” Louis said earnestly. “You’re perfect for each other.”

 

“You sound like my sister.”

 

“You’re sister sounds right.” Louis shot back. “Good night, Zayn.”

 

He gave Zayn a hug before turning to close the door, but Zayn’s voice stopped him before he could.

 

“When are you coming back to college?” Louis turned and eyed him carefully.

 

“I’ll make you a deal. You make up with Haz, I’ll come back to college. Maybe even graduate with you all if I don’t fall too far behind.”

 

“I can’t promise you that’ll happen, Louis.” Zayn said tiredly.

 

“I know.”

 

Louis closed the door and fell into Liam’s waiting arms. 

 

*

 

A few days later, Louis went into town and stopped into the coffee shop and ordered a coffee for himself. He could see his friends in the corner booth. Well, not all of his friends. Zayn was there, as was Niall and Justin. Surprisingly, Niall and Justin were seated across from Zayn, holding hands. He wondered when that had happened.

 

It was so eerie to see there were only three left. Harry was no longer allowed near Zayn, Cher was gone, and Louis was…Louis wasn’t sure what he was. It was lonely at his flat, with Liam away teaching in the town over. Louis didn’t complain, though, since he knew it was his fault Liam had had to change jobs in the first place.

 

He made his way over to the booth and Zayn made room for him. Niall and Justin greeted him warmly before Niall spoke up.

 

“Are you coming back to class, Louis?”

 

“I don’t know.” He said, turning to look at Zayn. “Have you fixed things with Harry?”

 

“Nope,” Zayn said, popping his ‘p’, “and I don’t plan to.”

 

“I don’t see why not.” Justin said. “You’re in love with him, after all.”

 

Niall snorted. “ _Zayn_?! In _love?_ ” Zayn scowled at Niall.

 

“You twats seem to think it’s as easy as one, two, three. But it’s not. Harry _cheated_ on me. Okay? Just like my paps did to my mum. I’m not going to get on my knees and _beg_.”

 

“We’re not saying you have to.” Louis said softly. “Just that maybe, if you and Harry just sat down and talked it out, things might get better between you two.”

 

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

They managed to talk Louis into going back with them to college and Louis found Waliyha after class.

 

“How are you?”

 

“I’m okay. It was weird today. Nobody knew what had happened except me.” She said. Zayn threw an arm around her shoulders. Suddenly, Waliyha gasped and took a step back like she had been physically slapped.

 

“What?” Zayn asked, alert.

 

“Him! That’s him, Zayn! That’s him!” They all turned and everyone except Louis froze. Like they knew who it was. He was a bigger guy, wearing a grey, raggedy T-shirt and dirty jeans. He was wearing scuffed up brown boots and he was walking right towards them.

 

“Who is that?” Louis whispered harshly at them. Justin was the only one that gave an answer.

 

“That’s Allen.” He visibly swallowed.

 

“That’s my step dad.”


	14. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After today, everything changes.

 

Graduation.

 

All the posters, announcements, and things spoken between friends seemed to be centered on the same topic. And in all honesty, Justin was glad for it. It allowed him time to step away from what the last two and a half months had brought upon him.

 

Two and a half months of police questioning, trials, lawyers, complete and utter panic, anger, and heartbreak. Allen, along with his friend David, had raped not only Waliyha, but Cher, as well as twenty-some other teenage girls around London.

 

Justin was still struggling to come to terms with this.

 

Allen was sentenced to life in prison without parole. The verdict had brought the biggest smile to Niall’s face. It was like Cher was avenged or something. Finally, she could rest in peace.

 

And now, graduation. In twenty-four hours, Justin would have a diploma, followed by a glorious future that wouldn’t revolve around Allen or what he had done. He would finally be _free._

 

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

 

Justin moved himself up onto his elbow to lean over Niall. He smiled down at the leprechaun. _His_ leprechaun.

 

“Graduation, mostly.” He responded, his fingers skimming the skin on Niall’s stomach. Niall giggled, extremely ticklish, and shoved Justin’s hand off. Justin just laughed.

 

“Mm, I see. You can’t wait to get your diploma and then move back to wherever the hell in Canada you’re from and forget all about us strange Europeans.” Niall said, mock serious.

 

“You know me so well.” Justin replied lightly, nuzzling his face into the crook of Niall’s neck. “I could never forget about you _Europeans_.” He whispered, his mouth on Niall’s neck. “Especially this one little leprechaun that I met…”

 

“Well, you sure know how to flatter a boy!” Niall said with a laugh.

 

“Niall,” Justin whispered after a moment of content silence, “what’s going to happen to us after graduation?”

 

“What do you mean?” Niall asked, turning on his side so they were facing each other. Justin intertwined their fingers, not meeting his eyes.

 

“I mean, I don’t know where I’m going after graduation. My mom…she’s kind of a mess right now. She has no reason to stay here after I graduate. So what if she decides we’re moving back to Ontario?”

 

“You stay here with me.” Niall replied simply.

 

“I can’t just leave my mom by herself, Ni. Not after everything she’s gone through this year.”

 

“Then I’ll go with you.”

 

“I can’t ask you to do that for me!”

 

“Then don’t ask.”

 

Justin finally met his stare and saw that he was dead serious. Niall was willing to give up everything he had here in London for him.

 

“I love you, Niall.”

 

Niall just smiled.

 

“I know.” He said.

 

***

 

Niall was a jittery mess. He felt fat in his gown, his hair was in disarray under his cap, and he was having a hard time accepting that after today, everything changed.

 

He turned for the bathroom and stopped. He hadn’t purged since Cher’s death, mostly because he knew how much she had hated it. But now, he just needed it. His entire body was encouraging him to take that next step. And just as he was about to, a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned and looked at Justin.

 

“Don’t.” Was all he said. Niall had told Justin all about his bulimia that night at Cher’s grave at that same time, Justin had told Niall about his abusive step father. Justin wrapped his arms around Niall as he let out a shaky breath. Justin just held him for a little bit, whispering in his ear quietly.

 

“You’re beautiful just the way you are, Niall. _Just the way you are._ ”

 

“Please, don’t quote Bruno Mars right now.” Niall muttered and Justin laughed.

 

“Sorry,” Justin said, “let’s get going before we’re late.” Niall nodded and let Justin lead him out to his car.

 

***

 

“Louis, you look fine.” Liam said from where he was lounging on the bed, gloriously naked save for the cotton sheet that covered his important bits. Louis looked at him through the mirror, admiring his body, before going back to making sure the gown actually fit.

 

“I just need it to look good, okay? My mum will harass me for _months_ if I look even remotely like I did when I first moved out.”

 

Louis tried to forget about those dark days, when he had just been diagnosed and was determined to not let his mum help him. He knew he didn’t visit as often as he should have, barely at all. But the previous week he had sucked up his pride and apologized to his mum, asking for her forgiveness which she graciously (if not sarcastically) gave. She _was_ Jay Tomlinson, after all. He had then invited her to his graduation, along with his four sisters.

 

“And is that _all_ you want me to come for? To support you?” She had asked, always the perceptible one.

 

“Well…” Louis had started, blushing slightly, much to Jay’s utter delight. “There’s this guy.”

 

“Ooh!” Jay squealed, clapping her hands like the excitable child she so often acted like. “What’s his name?”

 

“His name is Liam.”

 

“Lou, you look _fine_.” Liam said again, pushing off the bed to come wrap his arms around Louis’ waist. Louis leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed as Liam’s nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

 

“And your mum is going to be so proud of you. And the twins will be perfectly behaved little _angels_.” Louis snorted and elbowed Liam halfheartedly in the ribs toget him to release him.

 

“Right, you haven’t met the twins.” Louis said, stripping out of his cap and gown and flopping back down onto the bed in only his boxers. Liam happily joined him.

 

“But I will today!” He said contentedly. Like, meeting Louis’ family was all he ever really wanted. Louis moved to straddle Liam, his hands splayed on his chest. Liam’s fingers brushed lightly on his thighs.

 

“I really love you, you know that, right?” Louis asked softly. Liam nodded and leaned up to kiss him. Louis sighed into it and let Liam roll them over, thoughts of graduation and his family meeting his boyfriend momentarily forgotten.

 

***

The place was packed. Niall’s heart was beating twice as fast as normal as he peaked through the doors. He could make out Zayn’s parents, seated with Doniya and Waliyha, Safaa on Doniya’s lap.

 

Harry’s mum was seated with Robin, Harry’s step dad. His dad and Gemma were seated on the opposite side of the room. Niall wondered if Harry knew his dad was there. He knew they didn’t exactly get along very well.

 

Justin’s mum was seated with Niall’s behind Zayn’s parents, and Niall could see Louis’ mum and four sisters seated next to, Niall couldn’t believe it, Liam Payne. As hard as it had been to believe, it looked like Liam might be sticking around with Louis.

 

“Alright, everyone! Let’s line up! Graduation is about to begin!” Demi Lovato, the graduation coordinator called them all to order. Justin slid effortlessly into the space at Niall’s side. Niall grasped his hand firmly.

 

“Okay, so we’re going to be seated alphabetically. So I need you all to line up with the Z’s in the front and the A’s in the back.” Everyone slowly started moving and Niall turned to smile nervously at his boyfriend.

 

“I’ll see ya after?”

 

“Of course.” Niall replied, kissing him swiftly before making his way towards the H’s while Justin turned for the B’s. Niall was settled between Carly Granger and Marcus Huseth when Pomp and Circumstance started playing and the line slowly started to move.

 

Niall took a deep breath before taking his first step.

 

Once seated, he took a look at his friends. Justin was right up in front, Zayn was in the same row as Niall, and Harry and Louis were seated in the row behind them. Niall did a double take at the person seated next to Harry.

 

Neil Everett.

 

He caught Niall staring and winked. Niall laughed and turned back around as Mrs. Jenner, the school principal began her speech.

 

As Justin watched Mrs. Jenner, he couldn’t help but remember what he’d done to Mr. Payne. Now, he could see Liam seated next to Louis’ mom, and they both seemed to be holding in laughter. Justin was glad he hadn’t ruined that for Louis.

 

He turned slightly and looked at Zayn. He was sitting up straight, his head held high, and a cocky smirk etched into his lips. Justin knew why he’d been attracted to Zayn. He was absolutely stunning.

 

His eyes roamed to Harry. He looked nervous, biting his lip and fidgeting in his seat. His eyes met Justin’s and he offered up a small smile. Justin returned it with one of his own. He hoped that Harry knew he had never tried to steal Zayn away, because honestly, it wasn’t possible. Zayn was just as much Harry’s as Harry was Zayn’s.

 

Justin looked at Louis, all bright smiles and cheerfulness. He’d gone through a lot this year, as had Niall. He wondered how Louis could shine so brightly after all the heartbreak he’d suffered.

 

And then there was Niall. The boy he’d fallen in love with in just a few months. The boy who scared him half to death and who he never wanted to let go. The boy who kept his secrets and who offered up his own. Niall’s eyes turned and found his and he smiled. Justin smiled back and mouthed, ‘I love you.’

 

Niall grinned, shining brighter than anyone.

 

“Justin Bieber.” Justin stood, shook Mrs. Jenner’s hand and received his diploma. He heard his friends clapping, and saw his mom shoot him a proud smile.

 

“Niall Horan.” Niall shook Mrs. Jenner’s hand, received his diploma, and then bowed to the audience. They all laughed and clapped.

 

“Zayn Malik.” Zayn strutted to the front and grabbed Mrs. Jenner’s hand, kissing it, and taking his diploma. Always the dramatic one, he was.

 

“Harry Styles.” Harry shook Mrs. Jenner’s hand and was handed his diploma. He looked at Zayn, but he didn’t look back.

 

“Nathan Sykes.” Niall and a handful of other kids jumped up and cheered as Nathan Sykes, also known as Neil Everett, stood, walked cockily to Mrs. Jenner, shook her hand firmly, and grabbed his diploma. He turned to the student body, to the few kids who were whistling and hollering much to the confusion of the rest of the seniors, and bowed.

 

“Louis Tomlinson.” Louis smiled brightly and grabbed his diploma after shaking Mrs. Jenner’s hand. He smiled proudly at his mum and Liam. He had done it.

 

“And now, if you’ll all please rise.” The students and audience all stood. The room buzzed with anticipation. Every senior seemed to hold their breath.

 

“Please join me in announcing the class of 2013.” A shout from Nathan Sykes sent everyone into cheers and caps went flying.

 

Afterwards, Louis made his way through the crowd. He heard a high pitched scream and then he was catching Phoebe as she threw herself at him. Louis laughed and kissed her cheek, carrying her over to the rest of the group. He set her down and then hugged Daisy and Fizzy. Lottie rolled her eyes when he hesitated on her, not knowing if she was at that stage where hugging your family in public was frowned upon, and reached for him. Louis hugged her and kissed her cheek. He then moved to his mum, squeezing her tightly and kissing her cheek.

 

“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” She said, releasing him. Louis nodded and smiled at her before turning to Liam. He leaned down and kissed Louis sweetly. Louis intertwined their fingers and turned to his mum.

 

“So, I see you two have met.”

 

“Yes, and he’s absolutely lovely.” Jay commented, grinning at her son. “Too good for you, certainly.” She teased.

 

“I know.” Louis said honestly. Liam shook his head at him and kissed the tip of his nose.

 

“I’m going to go talk to a few people, okay? I’ll meet up with you in a bit?” Louis nodded and watched him go before turning to his mum.

 

“I was only joking, love.” She said, her arm winding around his waist. He threw an arm over her shoulder, glad they seemed to be getting along as if the extended absence hadn’t happened. “You deserve only the absolute best. And I’ll like anyone who can make you smile as big and bright as you did for him.”

 

“I love him, mum.” Louis said softly. Jay nodded and rolled her eyes.

 

“I could tell that, you idiot.”

 

 

“Congratulations, darling!” Zayn’s mum said as she wrapped him in a hug. Zayn rolled his eyes at Doniya behind her back.

 

“I’m very proud of you, son.” Zayn’s father said, clapping him on the shoulder. Zayn nodded and smiled at him.

 

“You did good, baby brother.” Doniya said, hugging him. Zayn laughed as Safaa joined the party and wrapped herself around his leg. He met Louis’ eyes over Doniya’s shoulder and saw that Daisy was doing something similar to him. Louis nodded to him and Zayn nodded back.

 

“Harry!” Waliyha suddenly shouted. Zayn turned and saw Harry hesitate from where he was standing with his mum before slowly walking over.

 

“Congratulations, Harry!” She said, hugging him. Zayn always suspected she had a slight crush on the lad. But it’s not like she could be blamed. Harry was a fit lad, charming and loveable.

 

He met Zayn’s eye before excusing himself. Zayn’s eyes followed him before turning back to his family. Doniya was looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face. Zayn raised an eyebrow but she just shook her head and started talking to Harry’s sister, Gemma.

 

Suddenly, Zayn turned, much to his mother’s confusion, and started for the doors. He ignored his sister’s questioning calls and just kept walking. Outside the auditorium, the silence was almost deafening. He kept walking, following the figure in front of him.

 

Two steps behind him, Zayn spoke.

 

“Harry.”

 


	15. Zayn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To us.” Zayn finished, and everyone echoed him before tilting their glasses back 
> 
> “To us.”

 

“Jesus, Louis, what’d you put in here?”

 

It was another hot summer day and Zayn, Harry, Niall, and Justin were all helping Louis and Liam pack everything in their flat up and put it into the trailer they’d rented. Apparently, the job Liam had got at the university the next town over was going really well, and he and Louis were moving to a slightly bigger flat there.

 

They weren’t the only ones leaving. Justin’s mum did decide to go back to Canada, and Niall had been accepted to a university there. He’d be moving there with Justin in the following week.

 

Harry was accepted to the Uni in Leeds, and he’d be leaving in two weeks. Zayn was staying in London, going to the Uni there. He was going for art, which was something he’d been told by many people that he had a knack for it.

 

As for his relationship with Harry, well, it wasn’t fixed. There were still some major trust issues that they had with each other, but whenever things got bad, Zayn would just think of that first night. The night at that party where Harry had fucked him and from that moment on, Zayn had only really been his.

 

And then he’d think about that second first night. Graduation night. The night when they had really _talked_ for the first time. And then that second first morning that had been better than the first morning.

 

The first morning, Zayn had woken up and left, because really, what if Harry had just been majorly drunk and nothing had really changed at all? But the second first morning, Zayn had woken up to sunlight streaming in from his window and Harry curled protectively around him. And for the first time, Zayn had known for a fact that this was it. That they finally knew where the other stood.

 

So, no, it was fixed. But it was still better than it had been. Much better.

 

“It’s all my shit, Zayn.” Louis deadpanned. “You see, when you move to a new place, you’re supposed to take your belongings with you.” Zayn smacked him upside the head and continued to lift the heavy boxes into the trailer.

 

“Well, I think you need less stuff, Lou.” Harry replied, lifting his own box into the trailer behind Zayn. Louis shrugged and continued bringing boxes outside.

 

Zayn wasn’t really sure where Harry and Louis stood. To be perfectly honest, he didn’t really care. Louis was happy with Liam, and Zayn was happy with Harry. That’s how it was supposed to be.

 

“Louis, which box has all the dishes in them?” Liam called, searching through a bunch of boxes already in the trailer. Louis leaned up and handed him a box.

 

“They’re in this one.” Liam nodded in thanks and took it, placing it on top of a stack of less-breakable ones.

 

“I think these are the last ones!” Niall called as he and Justin carried out two large boxes. Louis went back into the flat and did a quick search as they put the remaining boxes into the trailer. Louis came out and confirmed that they were done. Liam hopped out of the trailer and kissed Louis affectionately. His arm remained around Louis’ waist as the group circled up.

 

It was their last moment together. Their last moment before Louis settled into his new life, Niall and Justin went off together, and before Harry and Zayn parted ways. It wasn’t like they’d never see each other again. Niall and Justin promised to Skype as often as possible, Louis was only a town over, and Harry wouldn’t be too far away, but it would be different.

 

“So,” Zayn started, smiling softly at Louis. As much as he wanted to hate Louis for what he’d done, he couldn’t. He’d never really hated Louis and Harry because he loved them too much.

 

“Oh, shove it, Malik.” Louis shouted. “You’re gonna make me cry!” They all laughed and Louis hid his face in Liam’s shirt. Liam just smiled and kissed the top of his head.

 

“It’s different, ya know?” Niall said after a moment of silence. “I always pictured that Cher would be here with us, telling us all to stop being so fucking sappy.” The group was silent, remembering Cher.

 

“Hold on a minute,” Liam said, making his way quickly back inside the flat that would soon belong to someone else. He returned a moment later with a bottle of vodka and shot glasses. He distributed them to everyone and poured the drink into it. Niall was the first to raise his glass.

 

“To Cher,” He said.

 

“To new beginnings,” Justin put in.

 

“To love,” Liam said.

 

“To friends,” Louis chimed in.

 

“To old flames,” Harry said, leaning gently into Zayn’s side.

 

“To us.” Zayn finished, and everyone echoed him before tilting their glasses back

 

“To us.”

 

***

 

Louis and Liam left and Zayn was happy for them. Starting a new life, starting over. They were free to be whoever they wanted to be now. They didn’t have to be that kid and that teacher who fell in love even though it was wrong. They didn’t have to be that kid who that guy cheated on his fiancé with.

 

Instead, they could just be Louis and Liam. Two people who fell in love and that was that.

 

Niall and Justin left and things were good and Zayn kissed them both before they left and then it was just him and Harry standing in the airport alone while Harry cried and Zayn held him.

 

It had been a good summer. Neil had thrown a massive, graduation blow out before passing the torch to some new freshman. Zayn and Harry had snuck away from the small beach that it had been held on and fucked slowly in the sand. It was the first time Zayn had decided that it wasn’t a fuck, they’d made love.

 

Zayn had admitted it to Harry that night at graduation. He had admitted that he was in love with Harry, had been for a long time, and he was sorry he’d never said it before.

 

Harry had said he was sorry over and over again, and how he loved Zayn back, and that he just wished he could take it all back.

 

Standing in Harry’s driveway, they said their goodbyes. Zayn clutched Harry like a lifeline, and he knew it wasn’t forever. But it sure as hell felt like it. Because once Harry drove away, it was just Zayn. Alone in London. Harry’s mum and step dad had left them alone, and Gemma had already said her goodbyes. It was just Zayn and Harry. Just two boys who loved each other and had to say goodbye.

 

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Haz.” Zayn whispered into his neck. ‘Haz.’ A name that Zayn rarely ever called him. A name that felt so right in that moment.

 

“I love you, Zayn.”

 

“I love you, too.” Harry pulled away and gripped Zayn’s face.

 

“I’ll be back for Christmas, yeah? I expect an amazing blowjob when I do.” He said. Zayn smiled and kissed him hard.

 

“You and me against the world, right?” Zayn asked, breathless. He wasn’t ready to let go. He would never admit it out loud, but he was terrified. Terrified, because the moment Harry left, Zayn had to face that fact that everything had changed. Summer was over, school was starting again, and this time, Zayn’s friends were all off living their happy lives with their boyfriends and, well, everything would be different.

 

“Always, Zayn.” Harry replied. “Always.”

 

Then Harry kissed him one last time, got into his car, and drove away. Zayn wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at the road Harry had just deserted. Then, he turned and made his way by foot to his new flat on the outskirts of London.

 

A new life, a new year, a new Zayn. A Zayn that had a boyfriend he loved, friends that he wouldn’t trade in for anything, and a high school story about love and loss and tragedy and anger and joy and friendship and relationships and everything in between.

 

Harry: the boy who had hurt him more than anyone, and the boy who he loved with his whole heart.

 

Louis: the boy who had slept with the boy he loved, the boy he’d never trust completely, but the boy who he loved regardless.

 

Niall: the boy who had been in love with him since God knows when, and the boy who was happily in love with a new boy, in a new school, in a new country.

 

Justin: the boy who Zayn hadn’t really known a thing about, but a boy who he’d grown to care about regardless. The boy who now held Niall’s heart and who had somehow made their senior year something even more exciting.

 

Liam: the man who had somehow weaseled his way into their lives through a series of stupid mistakes, the man who held Louis’ heart now, and who would have to deal with a very enraged Zayn if he ever hurt him.

 

And finally, Cher: the girl who had managed to keep everything from falling apart and had ended up holding it all on her shoulders. A girl who had protected them but who had finally set them all free.

 

Cher, who had been beautiful and lovely and everything Zayn wished he could be one day.

 

The story ends with Zayn: the boy who lost a lot, but gained even more.

 

A boy who was ready to embrace this new life he now led.

 

Because, after all, he wasn’t exactly alone. And that was enough for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks to everyone who took a chance and read this. It was a long process and I hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks for everyone who kept asking me when the next chappie would be up, and thanks to goldenyears who was literally the first person to read and a person who stuck with it.


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